Sunday, May 1, 2011

Bronny Cash Gives One Month Performance Review

With April out of the way, it was time to get in touch with everyone's favorite Yankees GM, Brian Cashman. The Bronster gave us his honest assessment of the Yankees first month. The following is a transcript of our conversation:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Hey Brian, how are you?

BC: I'm doing we...

RJG: I don't like calling you Brian. It's weird. It just sounds weird. It doesn't roll off the tongue at all. What's it like having such an awful first name?

BC: Um . . . what?

RJG: Let's move on. Our beloved Yanks have finished April in first place for the first time since 1946. This despite your best attempts to saddle the team with ageing, injured players. How does it feel to see your attempt to sabotage us blow up in your face?

BC: I wasn't trying to sabotage anythi...

RJG: Are you denying that you signed Bartolo Colon?

BC: No, I di...

RJG: Garcia? Did you or did you not, sir, sign Freddy Garcia?

BC: Yeah, but . . .

RJG: Eric Chavez? Did you give Eric Chavez a contract? To sign? A contract to sign?

BC: Yes! And all of these moves have universally worked out to the advantage of the team. They're low-risk. High reward. I'm a genius. That's what everyone's supposed to be saying right now!

RJG: You'll get no paeans to your supposed genius here, Mr. Cashman. RJG is a respectable news organization.

BC: Did you just say "paean"?

RJG: I apologize for my language. That was unprofessional. But don't change the subject. Isn't it true that you were so upset about ownership signing Rafael Soriano that you wanted out and thus put into effect a plan to sabotage the team and get fired so you could GM some awful low-A Pittsburgh affiliate and prove to everyone that you can build a winner without Steinbrenner money?

BC: Why would anybody do that?

RJG: And what do you think of the lack of ninja activity reported in the news lately? Isn't this all part of your grand master-plan?

BC: Do you snack on prescription medication or are you always this insane?

RJG: I don't see how those two things are mutually exclusive.

BC: I guess you have a poi...

RJG: CHECK AND MATE! This interview is over! I'm out #@%&$.

BC: What the #$&% just happened?

So there you have it folks. Brian Cashman is pleasantly surprised that his low-risk, high-reward signings of the winter have provided such a boost to this Yankee team.

1 comment:

Rich Mahogany said...

This interview was high-reward. But not low-risk. Watch your back.