Sunday, August 26, 2012

Yanks Drop 2d Game Against Cleveland

The Good

The Yankees didn't trade away half their team so they could suck at a lower price point. So let me get this straight, players complain to management about an internal issue and management decides to ship half of them away? Looks like there are no whistle-blower protection clauses in Red Sox contracts.

The Bad

The Yankees were dominated by Justin Masterson, blowing a strong start by Kuroda. Why can't they score Kuroda any runs? Because they're jerks, that's why.

The Ugly

The Yankees are not jerks, I overreacted. They were unnerved, however.

"It's tough facing Masterson," explained one Yankee. "He looks like a giant baby out there. With a beard. It's #$*ing disconcerting! You look up, look away, next thing you know three straight pitches down the middle while you're admiring the third base foul line, then you go sit down. It's unfair man. You might as well have creepy clowns and $#!% pitching in the Majors if you're going to make us face this guy."

I Ain't Trynna Pay For This

And I don't have to, since the Yankees hit no home runs last night.

Raul Ibanez 15hr = $30
Nick Swisher 19hr = $38
Andruw Jones 13hr = $26
Derek Jeter 13hr = $26
Curtis Granderson 32hr = $64
Alex Rodriguez 15hr = $30
Robinson Cano 25hr = $50
Mark Teixeira 23hr = $46
Eric Chavez 13hr = $26
Russell Martin 14hr = $28
Jayson Nix 4hr = $8
Dewayne Wise 3hr = $6
Chris Stewart 1hr = $2
Ichiro Suzuki 3hr = $6
Casey McGehee 1hr = $2

Total 194 hr = $388

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