Sunday, February 8, 2009

RJG Exclusive: Interview with Alex Rodriguez

Since finding out about the steroid allegations, Alex Rodriguez, warmly referred to as A-Fraud by everyone who knows and loves him dearly, has refused to speak to the media. RJG, however, is not the media. We're more like a media watchdog, catching all the major stories the liberal corporate owned right wing media ignores. A-Rod, consequently, agreed to sit down with us for an interview to discuss this latest controversy. Here is the transcript:

RJG: Welcome A-Rod.

AR: Thank you.

RJG: It's been quite a couple of weeks for you.

AR: Yes, yes it has.

RJG: First the Torre book, now the SI article. Now that you're a disingenuous cheating bastard, how do you think you will be received in the clubhouse?

AR: When I was younger, Jeter and I would have sleepovers, we'd hang out all the time, but we've grown apart over the years. It's just life.

RJG: My question wasn't about your relationship with Jeter.

AR: How do you think Jeter would've answered that question? Does this haircut make me look like Jeter?

RJG: A-Rod. You're being accused of failing a drug test for steroids use. Your entire legacy, many would say, has been flushed down the toilet. Don't you have any reaction to that?

AR: What do you think Jeter is doing right now? I wonder what he's wearing.

RJG: A-Rod! Please! Your whole career has been called into question. Every Yankee fan who ever booed you, and was subsequently criticized for not supporting their guy, was just vindicated! Jose Canseco now has more integrity than you in the eyes of ESPN analysts everywhere! Stop talking about Jeter for just one second and focus on the issue at hand! Did you or did you not take steroids in 2003?!

AR: If Jeter was a tree, what kind of tree do you think he would be? A maple? A pine? I think a mighty oak. That's what I think.

RJG: Good lord, Alex. You're like 'Single White Female.' Seriously. Everyone hates you. Stop talking about Jeter!

AR: Wait a minute, isn't your blog called 'Respect Jeter's Gangster?'

RJG: Yeah. So . . .

AR: And don't you write laudatory post after laudatory post about how gangster Jeter is?

RJG: I guess we occasionally laud him . . .

AR: And wouldn't you try to emulate Jeter if you got to share a clubhouse with him?

RJG: We're not on trial here A-Rod, you . . .

AR: [Yelling dramatically] I rest my case, sir!

RJG: A-Rod, did you or didn't you use steroids?!

AR: I said 'good day!'

RJG: WTF?

[Alex Rodriguez then proceeds to get up from his seat and imitate Jeter's batting stance and Gatorade G2 commercials for the next fifteen minutes while our interviewer watched in stunned disbelief.]

There you have it folks. A-Rod really likes Jeter. If only Jeter really liked him.

11 comments:

Ruthie said...

hilarious!!!! omg i loved it! I can toatly imagine his trail going that way. then steinbrenners crazy horse would come in as a star witness.

Fred Trigger said...

good stuff as always, gentleman. Sorry about your boy, I wonder who the other 103 are?

anonymous number two said...

Very clever interview and at least, we can laugh about Alex's travails.

But SNY is calling him A-ROID and I don't see all this ending well for the Yanks. I want a WS championship, damn it! It does, however, reinforce why Jeter is so superior.

"That's like when you're a kid and you think you're dad is a super-hero, and then you find out he DID kill all those people" BTW, this concerns me.

TribeGirl said...

"That's like when you're a kid and you think you're dad is a super-hero, and then you find out he DID kill all those people" BTW, this concerns me.

That's exactly how I feel. Good post, but I'm not ready to laugh about it yet. How will I ever defend him again when all's anyone has to say is CHEATER, even if it was a long time ago.

A-Rod, I stuck up for you against all the Yankee fans that booed you and berated you, and this is what I get in return? Oh, and Manny hasn't signed on a team yet?? WTF is happening to my baseball season? Jeter and Grady better not get hurt! Better yet, they better have MVP years before I just quit baseball!

Roberto Alejandro said...

the dad super-hero analogy is great. It doesn't get any stupid-funnier than that.

Tough break TribeGirl. You're the first person I thought of when this news broke since you've always defended A-Rod here. He owes you an apology.

Bucky7588 said...

I still think we all need to calm down for a second, and those of us who are yankee fans need to stand by him, at least for the time being. I'm not totally convinced here, only because none of the other 103 names were released. Let's see what the man says before we call him a witch for dressing like one...and turning us into newts

TribeGirl said...

I'm going to stand by him for sure. But, I was his #1 fan, at least on this forum, so this hurts, man, it really hurts!!

Roberto Alejandro said...

if he mashes, and helps us get to the post-season, it will be forgotten. The questions will mostly go away, but they'll rear their ugly heads when he nears Bonds' record or when he retires and is eligible for the Hall. His response to this will play a big part, as well as how he plays the first two months of the season.

Ruthie said...

but does this really have that much potential to keep him from the hall?? I guess you need to let the situation dilute itself, but an a-rodless hall of fame seems pretty far fetched, he and jeet were pretty much in from conception lol..but still, at the most I would see the biggest damage being him not getting in in his first year of eligability, but so much depends on his reaction. his carrers in his hands now...lets just hope he doesnt shoot himself in the foot (or leg like plax)(still pretty funny to me...ahh plaxy waxy)

Roberto Alejandro said...

Plax shooting himself will always be funny.

I think A-Rod, if he handles this well, will end up in the Hall. We're talking about a guy with nine years to make up for this. He may very well hit 400 HRs between now and then. That said, sports writers hold stupid grudges. One writer refused to vote for Rickey Henderson because he wasn't a Henderson "guy." WTF does that mean?! That guy should be punched in the face by every successive generation of Hendersons that come along in his lifetime. If he retired tomorrow, I'd say he doesn't get in. There's too much anger right now, and I don't think Bonds will get in for that reason. But we'll see.

Anonymous said...

I hope Peter Gammons read this. Too bad he obviously didn't before his interview.
OK. what we get is 100% "Yes I did it. Then I drank the bong water."
And I can buy it. He said, basically, he was surrounded by "Here, try this"
And he did.
I tryly believe that, at least since 2004, he's been clean. He's been tested a lot.
And it hasn't made all that much difference in his numbers.
Asterisk?
If Bonds get one of those old porn movie pieces of tape over his eyes.
Deduct 150HR's from the total?
Only count his AB"s against Clemens and Petitte?
He did a lot better job than Andy.
Yeah. Only once. Uh-huh.
Let's move the fuck on.

Joe

oh--the super-hero crack.
YESSS!