Since finding out about the steroid allegations, Alex Rodriguez, warmly referred to as A-Fraud by everyone who knows and loves him dearly, has refused to speak to the media. RJG, however, is not the media. We're more like a media watchdog, catching all the major stories the liberal corporate owned right wing media ignores. A-Rod, consequently, agreed to sit down with us for an interview to discuss this latest controversy. Here is the transcript:
RJG: Welcome A-Rod.
AR: Thank you.
RJG: It's been quite a couple of weeks for you.
AR: Yes, yes it has.
RJG: First the Torre book, now the SI article. Now that you're a disingenuous cheating bastard, how do you think you will be received in the clubhouse?
AR: When I was younger, Jeter and I would have sleepovers, we'd hang out all the time, but we've grown apart over the years. It's just life.
RJG: My question wasn't about your relationship with Jeter.
AR: How do you think Jeter would've answered that question? Does this haircut make me look like Jeter?
RJG: A-Rod. You're being accused of failing a drug test for steroids use. Your entire legacy, many would say, has been flushed down the toilet. Don't you have any reaction to that?
AR: What do you think Jeter is doing right now? I wonder what he's wearing.
RJG: A-Rod! Please! Your whole career has been called into question. Every Yankee fan who ever booed you, and was subsequently criticized for not supporting their guy, was just vindicated! Jose Canseco now has more integrity than you in the eyes of ESPN analysts everywhere! Stop talking about Jeter for just one second and focus on the issue at hand! Did you or did you not take steroids in 2003?!
AR: If Jeter was a tree, what kind of tree do you think he would be? A maple? A pine? I think a mighty oak. That's what I think.
RJG: Good lord, Alex. You're like 'Single White Female.' Seriously. Everyone hates you. Stop talking about Jeter!
AR: Wait a minute, isn't your blog called 'Respect Jeter's Gangster?'
RJG: Yeah. So . . .
AR: And don't you write laudatory post after laudatory post about how gangster Jeter is?
RJG: I guess we occasionally laud him . . .
AR: And wouldn't you try to emulate Jeter if you got to share a clubhouse with him?
RJG: We're not on trial here A-Rod, you . . .
AR: [Yelling dramatically] I rest my case, sir!
RJG: A-Rod, did you or didn't you use steroids?!
AR: I said 'good day!'
[Alex Rodriguez then proceeds to get up from his seat and imitate Jeter's batting stance and Gatorade G2 commercials for the next fifteen minutes while our interviewer watched in stunned disbelief.]
There you have it folks. A-Rod really likes Jeter. If only Jeter really liked him.