It was widely reported yesterday that manager Joe Girardi suspended practice for the day to take the team to a local pool hall. The players seemed to be thrilled with the idea, and all the photos coming from the event showed them enjoying themselves. What was not reported, was how Mariano Rivera sharked his newest teammates.
"I got to play Mo first, and he was really awful." Stated new Yankee addition Nick Swisher. "He pretended like he didn't know how to hold the pool cue, and kept asking what the numbers on the balls meant and stuff like that. So we were making fun of him a little until he said 'Well, let's bet on it.' I was like 'Absolutely.' but I should have seen it coming. He was taking shots with his eyes closed, behind the back, jumping balls, he even cut the ball in to the left side where he knocked in the 8-ball to win."
Swisher was not Mariano's only victim as Mark Teixeira was also caught by the shark.
"I really wish I hadn't bet my signing bonus, but I really thought I had this." Explained first baseman Mark Teixeira. "We start playing and he's terrible. He's scratching left and right, and then he's acting like he doesn't understand English. So I put a bet on the game, and he turned it on. I didn't get a single shot after that."
When asked about his reason for sharking his new teammates, Mariano was very candid:
"Sometimes, you need money."
There's a life lesson to be learned here: don't play pool with Mariano for money.