Friday, February 27, 2009

RJG Has Another Run in with Selena Roberts

We reported a few weeks back that Selena Roberts had broken into our RJG headquarters and had taken a nap on our RJG couch. Well last night we had another incident with the famed reporter. While Roberto and I were going over Clemens' defense files, we noticed something in the window across the room. It wasn't moving, but we've had a history with people breaking in so we needed to go investigate. We walked over to the window to spook whatever was there, but when we got close up, it was just a cutout of Waldo from the "Where's Waldo?" book series. Figuring that someone was just playing a joke on us, we turned around to get back to work, and there was Selena Roberts asleep on our couch again. The Waldo cutout was just a diversion. I went over and shook her awake, and told her she needed to leave. She agreed, and got into a car whose driver looked a lot like the recently out-of-work Yuri Sucart. I didn't think much of it and went back up stairs. A couple hours later we heard a knocking in the basement, like someone was banging on pipes down there. We run down there and Selena Roberts is taking practice hacks against our water heater, and has a full load of laundry in the wash. I told her to leave and she said her clothes weren't finished. I told her to stop banging on our water heater and she said her clothes weren't finished. We called the cops who escorted her out, and we're now in the process of filing a restraining order against her.

So beware! Selena Roberts may be trying to break into your house next. Don't be surprised if she releases an investigative report on the RJG, but you heard it here first. Selena Roberts is a B & E master.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Make sure you get the real, actual restraining order to show when you are interviewed on national TV, not just a paper saying you talked to a cop about a restraining order.
Otherwise, her and all her media buddies will crucify you in every press outlet in the country, and use that to back up a claim that every single staement you ever made or will make in your life is a lie. Up to and including your name and what you had for lunch.
And quit leaving food and sleeping kids around. Baiting her isn't really fair.

Joe

Fernando Alejandro said...

That's a valid point Joe. Its almost entrapment if we keep doing that.

As for the restraining order, we're keeping more than just the copy. We have photos of her breaking in, sleeping on our couch, her making omeletes. She'll be losing this case in court.

She-Fan said...

Yeah, make sure you get a police report. Otherwise, she'll just say it was "ridiculous."

Fernando Alejandro said...

Thanks to Alex, I know her game. But really all I want is for her to stop stalking us. I fear that she might be working on a new book.

Espresso said...

You guys are awesome. That is all.

Ruthie said...

LOL! uhg....this broad again? you know what, today i got into one of the loudest shouting matches with a classmate about the a-rod situation. (yea..teens are still bringing it up)....but the boy said something bout all the lies and "over exagerations" a-rod made in his interviews and press confrence. Has it been getting alot of play, or have people just sort of overlooked it? i dont remmeber hearing alot of debate over his lies. Maybe I am just on the wrong tv stations...but its kind of weird how him putting things into untrue context isnt getting all the much play? i mean, i am all for moving forward. but okay, he cheated 6 years ago, but he's lying today.. shouldnt he be called out on that? unless it has already been adressed....

and selena has a real probelm...i suggest a suport group of some sort for people obbsessed with B and E's run by Dane Cook. (his viscious circle show was great right?!!)

Roberto Alejandro said...

that was a great Dane Cook moment, his B&E bit is pretty funny. A lot of people have a strong dislike of him for some reason but he's definitely funny and a very good story teller.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Thanks Espresso. Glad you liked it!

Ruthie, I think the over exaggerations were over looked because they were recognized as such. Either way, the ESPN interview was as easy as they come, and the whole "no follow up questions" thing with the media made things easy too. Either way, A-Rod seems to be doing good this spring training. Maybe every time he gets something off his chest he has a monster year. Remember the whole "Jeter and I aren't as close as we used to be" admittance.