Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Jeter Finds Root of Season Long Slump

After last night's loss to the Rangers the Yankees as a whole have been looking for answers. No one took the loss worse than the Yankee captain, Derek Jeter. After an 0-3 night where he hit into a double play, lined out with the bases loaded to squelch a rally, and brought his average down to .279, Jeter began wondering what the cause of his underperforming bat has been. And that's when he realized it.

"I was starring down at the ground deep in thought, when I saw something protruding from my quad right above my knee. I pulled the pant leg up, and yep, there was a knife stuck in my leg." Explained Jeter.

Apparently, the knife, which belonged to Kyle Farnsworth, had gone missing a few months back from Farnsworth's locker where he had been keeping it. No one had known where it went until now. But why didn't Jeter notice it before?

"I actually did notice before." Explained Jeter. "I saw it there a few weeks ago and had planned on taking it out, but I started playing a game of Tetris, and it completely slipped my mind. Then I saw it there again last night and thought 'oh yeah! I was going to pull that out.'."

Jeter feels that without the knife en lodged into his leg, he will be able to swing, run, and play much better than he did before. But the question is still how he ended up with a knife in his leg.

"It might have been the knife throwing fight we had in the clubhouse some time ago. We found Farnsworth knife collection and started hucking them at one another. It was actually a lot of fun."

Apparently, Jeter wasn't the only player who was effected by the knife throwing fight.

"I was running the bases and noticed that my foot really hurt me. Once I got to home I thought I had a sprain, but on closer examination, the trainers found a knife en lodged into my foot." Explained Yankee pitcher Chien-Ming Wang through an interpreter. "They said its amazing that I could even put my shoe on. They decided to tell the media that it was a foot sprain since that's much easier to explain than the whole knife throwing thing."

"I found one in my shoulder." Said Jorge Posada.

So have the Yankees learned their lesson about knife throwing fights?

"Well, we probably won't have one again since Farnsworth isn't here any more." Said Jeter.

And if Farnsworth is there?

"Oh yeah, without a doubt. It was a lot of fun."


Anonymous said...

Boy, am I relieved that the thing stuck in Captain DP's leg was only Krazy Kyle's knife! I thought it might be a piece of fingernail from Tara Banks.
And I think we have found the murder weapon in the death of the 'Stache.

Anonymous said...

BTW, I really think MLB should ban baserunners from crashing into the catchers.
After all, this is baseball, not Rugby.
I believe Jorge hurt his shoulder when Hinske crashed into him in Fenway Park last year.

Fernando Alejandro said...

I didn't see it but by all accounts it was an ugly crash. However, it is apart of the game. I don't think it should be done away with, but it does suck when it happens to our guys.