In the spirit of halloween I've decided to write a scary story. The story takes place in the present on a cold rainy evening in an office in the South side of the Bronx.
General Manager Brian Cashman sat in his chair staring at his work laid out. As he sits he hears a tapping, as if someone gently rapping, a rap-tap-tapping on his chamber door. Who is this stranger rapping? Wondered Cashman as he sat there saddened. Saddened that his work was challenged by this stranger at the door.
Cashman stood to see the happenin. To see who was a-gently rappin. A-gentle rap-tap-tapping on his chamber door. When he opened no one was there a-standing, just the faint silence of abandon, Cashman wondered what just happened as he backed from the chamber door. The ghost of Torre it could be? Nothing less and nothing more.
Cashman sat back down, and with a saddened bitter frown, stared at Pavano's club option, and to a brick he quickly bound. 'I will throw this through his window, when midnight falls upon the town.' For I am saddened at the money that has vanished from the Yankee crown. 'Where did this money go?' He wondered, as the night time air a-thundered, when a sudden yet gentle rumble, came a-sounding from his chamber door. Could it be the gentle ghost of Torre once more?
Cashman stood to see the curious sounding. As if someone was a-standing. Standing at his chamber door. As Cashman opened once more, a raven flew through the opened door. The raven circled through his office, and landed on the chamber floor.
'Where did this vilest creature come from as I sit and mourn? I mourn for the loss of money, oh how I wish Pavano was never born.' Thought Cashman once more, 'could this be the gentle ghost of Torre that rapped at my chamber door? Why is this raven here a-standing, standing at my chamber floor?'
As Cashman sat there pondering, as he pondered he looked despondent, until the raven came responding, simply saying 'Nevermore'.
Cashman was surprised to see the carion speaking, he exclaimed a word that we are a-bleeping, that children would be slapped for repeating, as Cashman wondered its meaning, he looked more saddened than before. 'Tell me the meaning of your word, I do implore!' But the Raven simple in its speaking, repeated 'Nevermore'.
Cashman became a-freightened, his senses were a-heightened, could the meaning come from all the free-agent signings that sank the Yankees of before? Cashman hoped it was this and nothing more.
'Simple creature standing on the ground, give me an answer that is sound, are your words against the signings, of Pavano, Wright and Kevin Brown? Please answer me I do implore!' But the raven simply shrugged, and answered 'Nevermore'.
'Should I sign Sabathia, Teixeira, or Lowe, perhaps trade for someone more? Will Peavy come to New York? Answer this and nothing more!' The raven answered 'Nevermore'.
'Nevermore' has no meaning, please answer me I'm pleading! Should I re-sign Abreu or keep Gardner his feet a-fleeting? Do I let Hughes keep a-pitching, will Cano get back to hitting, should I bring back Justin Christian? I do implore! Why did you come a-gently rappin' at my chamber door? Answer this and nothing more!'
The carion offered words a haven, Cashman was surprised by the birds behavin, when the bird answered a-saying 'You're talking to a frickin' raven! I eat dead animals a-laying on the pavement. I know nothing about free agents. I did not come to give advice, I simply say nevermore.'
'Then why did you come!?' Cashman found himself exclaimin, as he grew more impatient, at the Raven on his floor. 'Answer this, and nothing more!'
The Raven said 'I'm here to tell you nevermore, nevermore will I be paying, paying to see this team a-playing, with its veterans a-aging, with A-Rod striking out and caving, when a run this game would be a-saving, but they play like over-paid free agents and give up earlier than before.'
Cashman angered by the words the raven's a-sayin', finally pulled the glock he'd been a-saving, saving for the day a raven, would back-talk to him once more. The raven exclaimed a word a-shaming, more vile than the word Cashman was exlcaimin', he moved to try escapin' but Cashman shot the raven before the bird could speak once more.
Cashman then signed Sabathia.
Friday, October 31, 2008
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That is the greatest thing I've ever read. Ever.
And I'm a huge Poe fan...I think he'd be proud.
My first reaction was: What were you smoking? My second one was: That was really, really good. My third was: Now you have to do a poem for every holiday, which means next up is Nov 11, Veteran's Day.
I lost interest near the end as I couldn't think about how to end it. It was kind of hard.
As for a poem for every holiday that's going to be difficult! No promises on my side.
I will promise on my brother's behalf that he will write a poem for every holiday, including the Canadian ones.
In order to help his team to win the umpires' favor, the ever brilliant Cashman also signs this clever creature as the Yankees' mascot. The end.
By the way, we talking birds, as well as black cats, are immortal and we're true to our words.
So if you ever shoot me with that stupid BB Gun again, Bronny Cash, I will peck you to complete bald.
Hey, All. I wanted you to know I just posted raven's video and a link to this blog on my blog. Enjoy.
That video is fantastic. I wonder if it worked in winning the umpire over. I can only assume that it did.
Thanks for the link Jane!
This, I guess, is the reason why Philadelphia is called
the City of Brotherly Love
And of course the Yankees can sign the Big G as their furry mascot and have him kiss the umpires.
I have to say Raven, the more I see those Philly mascot videos the more I'm sold that the Yankees need one. You may be onto something there.
I like how its all poetic throughout, and it just all of a sudden ends with Cashman signing Sabathia. I thought it was pretty awesome.
I just saw something else that was scary..on Hoch's blog the yanks asked about Roy Oswalt (he's not for trade thankfully)...great, another declining, injury prone pitcher. thats the right attitude bronny cash!
that was my favorite part too, Fred.
nice article sir
thanks for information ..
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