Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Breaking News: Jeter Does Not Have Crystal Ball

After years of speculation this story finally comes to rest. Rumors had abounded as to whether or not Jeter had powers of clarvoyence or soothsaying. These rumors later led to the ultimate conclusion that Jeter owned a crystal ball, which he could use to see the future. Jeter dispelled this rumor to the chagrin of gypsy Yankee fans everywhere:

“I’m not a fortune teller." Jeter said "I don’t have a crystal ball at the house. I have a job to do (this season).” Source.

With this controversy out of the way, it is widely believed that Jeter will now be able to focus on baseball and have a major come back this year.

"Yes, this controversy's been hanging over his head his entire career." Explained newly converted DH Jorge Posada. "Last year it really came to a head, effecting his performance on the field. He would go out to play, and the fans would be ruthless. They would call him names like "fortune teller" and "diviner" and say "Hey Jeter, why don't you tell me which stocks are going to climb tomorrow." and stuff like that. It really wore him down. Then in the clubhouse all the guys would want him to read their palms. It just wasn't fair to him."

But with the controversy put to rest, it is only natural to expect an MVP for the aged shortstop next season.

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