Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Adventures of Youk and Joba

Now that Joba Chamberlain and Kevin Youkilis are best friends, we can only assume they have embarked on a series of adventures together, of which the following is a fair representation:

[Youk and Joba cruise down the street in Youkilis's Mercedes CL63 AMG, bobbing their heads to the latest offering from Mumford & Sons]

Joba: You know, I just realized something.

Youk: What?

Joba: We are not a good looking pair.

Youk: No. We're not. We're never going to pick up any chicks. Not even in this car.

Joba: Aren't you married?

Youk: Not to you mom.

Joba: Fair enough. Man, I wish Jeter was here!

Youk: It would make picking up chicks easier, he's so gangster.

Joba: Where have I heard that before?

Youk: Probably from your face.

Joba: Ouch.

Youk: Burn.

Joba: Mierda.

Youk: What?

Joba: Mierda.

Youk: Repeating it doesn't diminish the confusion. Are you making up words now?

Joba: You don't know what 'mierda' means? How long have you been playing professional baseball? It means $#!%, but in Spanish. That way if someone's puritanically transcribing our conversation for a blog or something like that, my curse words still slip through.

Youk: Really?

Joba: Yeah, man! It's so great. If you swear in Spanish when the camera is on you during games, the seven second delay guy doesn't even know to move to a different shot, so it goes out live over the air?

Youk: So you just spend the entire game hanging out in the bullpen, swearing in Spanish?

Joba: Yeah!

Youk: You know there's no live shots of the bullpen, at least not from the inside. They only do that in the dugout.

[after a moment of stunned silence]

Joba: Is that true?

Youk: Yes.

Joba: I've alienated Mariano Rivera for no reason.

Youk: He's very religious.

Joba: Very.


Rich Mahogany said...

Just picturing this scene made me lose my appetite. Some news should not be broken.

Fernando Alejandro said...

That's the unfortunate reality about news.

Apparently, Cervelli's name has popped up on one of those Anthony Bosch lists.

Rich Mahogany said...

Cervelli should ask for a refund.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Hahhahahaaha, that's both mean and accurate.