Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Whose Gangster Are We Going to Respect Now?

$#!% balls! Derek Jeter has officially announced his retirement after the 2014 season. Like most people, our first thoughts turned to what would happen to this blog. Would we continue to respect Jeter's gangster? Would we have to choose some other Yankee icon, like Beltran, and respect his gangster?

First, let me assure you, the concerned public, that we will continue to respect Jeter's gangster in 2015 and beyond. This will mean changes, however. While you can expect our timely and increasingly less daily coverage to continue, it will probably be focused on upcoming publishing deals, book releases, Oprah Book Club meetings, Oprah Book of the Month announcements, and whatever Ellen does with books now.

It goes without saying that Jeter's announcement, though a complete and utter shock, comes as little surprise. And while that sentence doesn't seem to make any sense, calling into question the very purpose of grammar, we all know exactly what it means. We knew this was coming, we just weren't ready for it.


Rich Mahogany said...

I hear you. Some things, no matter how expected or inevitable, have to be experienced before they can be understood, like the death of a loved one, or your wife telling you that your neighbor is the father of all your children. Jeter announcing his retirement is just like that, but much more so, ever so much more.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Mr. Mahogany, you are a poet sir.

Korean Cartman said...

I believe Derek is retiring so that he will be Hillary Clinton's running mate. Jeter 2016.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what my life will be without him.

Hillary would be so lucky...

Rich Mahogany said...

I picture him riding off into the sunset, the sky's colors blending serenely with his Edge in Blazing Copper.

Anonymous said...

Wow! So much poetry, Rich. We will respect his gangster forever.

Uncle Mike said...

He conquered fear and he conquered hate
He turned dark night into day
He made his Pinstriped jersey
a torch... to... light... the... way!

Hey, you said you like poetry.

Korean Cartman said...

Gonna pass out! You guys!! Your beautiful words are making me swoon. Oh wait, maybe it's from all that vodka I drank.
Cheers to Jeter and all his studly awesomeness!

Fernando Alejandro said...

To call this poetry is to limit it's impact. This isn't just poetry, this is the evolution of poetry as an idea altogether. Rich, you have elevated humanity.

Rich Mahogany said...

Not nearly as much as a certain Derek Jeter.

Rich Mahogany said...

Here are some alternative names for the site if it decides to go in a slightly different direction:

Respect Cervelli's Gangster (Who Sold Him PEDs)

Respect ARod's Lawyer

Respect McCann, Stander (in the Way of Home Plate)

Respect Tanaka's Dreamliner

Respect Sabathia's Hamburger

Respect Gardner's Gardener

Rich Mahogany said...

And for good measure

Disrespect Cano, Mariner

Korean Cartman said...

Hahahaha your list of potential alternate names are tooooo hilarious!
Speaking of Cano,
Here in Seattle area, my Seattlite friends ask: "when Cano hits homeruns, does money fall from his bat?"