The Yankees Halloween Scary Story

In the spirit of halloween I've decided to write a scary story. The story takes place in the present on a cold rainy evening in an office in the South side of the Bronx.

General Manager Brian Cashman sat in his chair staring at his work laid out. As he sits he hears a tapping, as if someone gently rapping, a rap-tap-tapping on his chamber door. Who is this stranger rapping? Wondered Cashman as he sat there saddened. Saddened that his work was challenged by this stranger at the door.

Cashman stood to see the happenin. To see who was a-gently rappin. A-gentle rap-tap-tapping on his chamber door. When he opened no one was there a-standing, just the faint silence of abandon, Cashman wondered what just happened as he backed from the chamber door. The ghost of Torre it could be? Nothing less and nothing more.

Cashman sat back down, and with a saddened bitter frown, stared at Pavano's club option, and to a brick he quickly bound. 'I will throw this through his window, when midnight falls upon the town.' For I am saddened at the money that has vanished from the Yankee crown. 'Where did this money go?' He wondered, as the night time air a-thundered, when a sudden yet gentle rumble, came a-sounding from his chamber door. Could it be the gentle ghost of Torre once more?

Cashman stood to see the curious sounding. As if someone was a-standing. Standing at his chamber door. As Cashman opened once more, a raven flew through the opened door. The raven circled through his office, and landed on the chamber floor.

'Where did this vilest creature come from as I sit and mourn? I mourn for the loss of money, oh how I wish Pavano was never born.' Thought Cashman once more, 'could this be the gentle ghost of Torre that rapped at my chamber door? Why is this raven here a-standing, standing at my chamber floor?'

As Cashman sat there pondering, as he pondered he looked despondent, until the raven came responding, simply saying 'Nevermore'.

Cashman was surprised to see the carion speaking, he exclaimed a word that we are a-bleeping, that children would be slapped for repeating, as Cashman wondered its meaning, he looked more saddened than before. 'Tell me the meaning of your word, I do implore!' But the Raven simple in its speaking, repeated 'Nevermore'.

Cashman became a-freightened, his senses were a-heightened, could the meaning come from all the free-agent signings that sank the Yankees of before? Cashman hoped it was this and nothing more.

'Simple creature standing on the ground, give me an answer that is sound, are your words against the signings, of Pavano, Wright and Kevin Brown? Please answer me I do implore!' But the raven simply shrugged, and answered 'Nevermore'.

'Should I sign Sabathia, Teixeira, or Lowe, perhaps trade for someone more? Will Peavy come to New York? Answer this and nothing more!' The raven answered 'Nevermore'.

'Nevermore' has no meaning, please answer me I'm pleading! Should I re-sign Abreu or keep Gardner his feet a-fleeting? Do I let Hughes keep a-pitching, will Cano get back to hitting, should I bring back Justin Christian? I do implore! Why did you come a-gently rappin' at my chamber door? Answer this and nothing more!'

The carion offered words a haven, Cashman was surprised by the birds behavin, when the bird answered a-saying 'You're talking to a frickin' raven! I eat dead animals a-laying on the pavement. I know nothing about free agents. I did not come to give advice, I simply say nevermore.'

'Then why did you come!?' Cashman found himself exclaimin, as he grew more impatient, at the Raven on his floor. 'Answer this, and nothing more!'

The Raven said 'I'm here to tell you nevermore, nevermore will I be paying, paying to see this team a-playing, with its veterans a-aging, with A-Rod striking out and caving, when a run this game would be a-saving, but they play like over-paid free agents and give up earlier than before.'

Cashman angered by the words the raven's a-sayin', finally pulled the glock he'd been a-saving, saving for the day a raven, would back-talk to him once more. The raven exclaimed a word a-shaming, more vile than the word Cashman was exlcaimin', he moved to try escapin' but Cashman shot the raven before the bird could speak once more.

Cashman then signed Sabathia.

The End

Free Agency Announcement

Now that the World Series is over, I am announcing that I am officially filing for free agency effective immediately. While I certainly expect to renegotiate a new contract with Respect Jeter's Gangster prior to the exclusivity deadline, it is in my best interest to file now. My agent, one Mr. Scott Boras, has assured me that I should be among the top earners in my field. But it's not about the money. I prefer to write for the only organization I have ever written for, and I love writing in New York. However, other blogs, including the Yankees, have expressed interest (though they have abided by the rule that no offers be made until RJG's exclusive bargaining window expires). I have waited until now to announce this in order to not overshadow the World Series, that's not my style. Peace to the Out.

Derek Jeter Reveals Yankees Off Season Plans in Interview

Sports Illustrated put out an interview with Derek Jeter where he basically outlined in graphic detail, the plans of the Yankees for 2009. Okay, not really, but he did reveal some pretty amazing things. Just check out some of these features:

-He said that he is voting.
-He said the he lives in Tampa.
-He doesn't play much X-box.
-He said that his parents don't have bad seats.

As you can see, the man knows how to give a good interview. Oh, he also revealed that he doesn't plan on picking up Kaballah. Is there any doubt that if Derek Jeter ever went to court he would get off of what ever charges were put against him? He answers all the questions without giving you any information. Its an art I am personally trying to master.

In other news, the Phillies won the world series. I'm happy for them. I was pulling for the Rays, but the Phillies had a good team, and I like a lot of their players. I like especially that they toppled the Mets. I did however lose a lot of money yesterday. Not because I bet online against the Phillies, but because the stock market continues to tumble. I would pull my money out, only by doing so I would send the Dow plummeting so precipitously I would start the next great depression and World War III at the same time, and that's not a responsibility I want.

Lastly, the hot stove season can officialy begin. Let the rumors fly!

Dances With Wolves: The Hank Steinbrenner Ultimatum

Its been more than 3 weeks since we offered Hank Steinbrenner the opportunity, no, the honor, of doing an interview with us, and he has yet to respond. Because of this, I have decided to write Hank Steinbrenner's biography and direct his movie. Its the sequel to Kevin Costner's "Dances With Wolves" called "Dances With Wolves: The Hank Steinbrenner Ultimatum". Check out this excerpt straight from the script we're developing:

Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Cashman, we want John Santana, and we want him now.

Brian Cashman (Brad Pitt): Do you mean Johan Santana?

Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Him too. Get me Carlos Santana while you're at it, I've had enough of doing your job Cashman. You straighten out or I'll straighten you out..... by killing you.

(Intense techno fight music begins, as Costner and Pitt get into their appropriate fighting stances. An excellently choreographed fight scene begins, when suddenly, in comes Damon Oppenheimer the scouting guy)

Damon Oppenheimer (Al Pacino): Hank! Cash! I found the next great prospect. The only problem is, he's stuck in the plains of the great west, and the only way you can get to him is to dance with wolves.

Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): I'm 1/3 wolf, and 2/3 shark. I'm in.

Brian Cashman (Brad Pitt): Damon, how good is this kid?

Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Don't ask questions Brian. See that's your problem. You think I made my money by asking people's opinions on things? I made my money by impulse! And there will be evil to pay if I ever hear you asking questions ever again! I run this house! I'm the Pharaoh of this organization!

Damon Oppenheimer (Al Pacino): Who do you think you're talking to!? Your bell boy!! You wanna go to war!? You wanna go to war!!??!

Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Dance party!

(Kanye West's "Stronger" song comes on and Costner, Pacino, and Pitt all dance to it)

End Scene

As you can see, its bound to be a summer blockbuster. Expect it in theaters summer of 2010.

A Billion Years for Marky T

So the question the Yankees will need to answer in the immediate future is how many years they will offer Mark Teixeira to play first. He finished this season batting .308 with 33 homeruns and 121 RBI's and batted .358 since coming to the Angels. Mark Teixeira or Marky T as we like to call him, is a consistant 30 homerun guy with an average that typically sits just below .300, and has a career OBP of .378. He switch hits, and would begin next season at 29 years of age. So the question is, how many years do you give Marky T? His agent will want 8, but that would make him 37 at the end of his contract. 6 years would probably be more reasonable for the Yankees though Marky T may not bite at that. Either way, Cashman better get the cash ready. No matter how many years he gets, they won't come cheap.

Game Five Is Upon Us

Game five is upon us. If the Philadelphia Philanderers (what did you think it stood for?) win today the Yankees are set to announce tomorrow that they have reached a tentative agreement with CC Sabathia for 6 years and $175M, pending a physical. They will also announce that they have traded Sabathia, pending a physical, to the Philanderers for Cole Hamels and Ryan Howard. Charlie Manuel will also be part of the deal and he will coach third base. Since everyone knows Phil Hughes is going to be a great pitcher, the Yankees will then announce that they have traded Cole Hamels to the LA Galaxy for David Beckham (apparently A-Rod has a thing for his wife and the Yanks want to keep A-Rod happy).

This is going to be an interesting hot stove season, though I suspect the winter meetings will suck, because, you know, they're the winter meetings.

If I have to guess, our rotation next season will be (in alphabetical order):

Chien-Ming Wang
Andy Pettite
Mike Mussina
Jamie Moyer
Pedro Martinez

Joba will start the year on the DL, with a shot at making the rotation when he stops hanging out with Carl Pavano, who will be our long relief guy.

Top Ten Reasons Steinbrenner Won't Do An Interview With Us

Its been about 3 weeks since we offered Hank Steinbrenner the opportunity to do an interview with us, and since then he has done nothing but dodge the invitation. Not one email, not one phone call, not one facebook wall post, he didn't even IM us when he saw we were on. Hank is typically pretty good at talking to the media so why won't he talk to us? Well, here are the top ten reasons Hank Steinbrenner probably hasn't responded to our request for an interview.

10. He suspects that we'll link him to Socialism, which we will.
9. Hank Steinbrenner doesn't like the hard questions, and that's all we ever ask. Hank is used to answering questions about his favorite pony and stuff like that. We ask questions like "Where were you the night Cashman signed Pudge, and there was a communist meeting a block from your home in Tampa?"
8. Hank fears what he doesn't know, and he doesn't know gangster.
7. Hank's inner circle which consists of Hank Steinbrenner, advised him not to do it.
6. Hank is afraid of our business pitch. The pitch would include him funding the RJG blog by paying a six figure salary to each of its authors, and to give them a luxury suite at the new stadium. What does Hank get out of it? A free pass from future interviews, which he clearly fears.
5. Hank doesn't like to hear that he is wrong, which is precisely what we'll tell him when we bring up the fact that the centerfield restaurant at the new stadium partially blocks the view for all fans sitting near it.
4. He's sick of talking about dinosaurs.
3. He's unsure of how he'll answer the question about what he respects most about Jeter's gangster, and why the RJG is his favorite blog.
2. He fears it will ruin his future political aspirations.
1. Maybe, just maybe, there's a miniscule outside chance that he hasn't seen our request yet.

So probably some combination of these reasons are in play here, but we won't know until we sit him down and ask him. Hank, if you're reading this, its time to man up.

Lamenting the Rays

I was rooting for the Rays, the young scrappy upstarts who did me the favor of sending Boston home early, but now it looks like the Phillies are about to crush their youthful dreams. Oh Phillies, how cruel thou art! All those kids on the Rays want to do is play ball, and the Phillies will destroy their spirit for it. So let that be a lesson to all you kids out there. Don't dream about winning a World Series, because the Phillies will crush your dream and then you'll wish you were never born (unless of course you dream about winning a World Series with the Phillies in which case go jump off a building). I'm not a sore loser, you're a loser. Zing. Who am I talking to? Lordamercy!

Moyer Outpitches Garza

Moyer out did Garza last night, and the Phillies went on to win the game in the 9th. It was a very well played game with speed determining the outcome. Upton scored at one point by stealing second, stealing third, and then scoring on the bad throw to Pedro Feliz. The Phillies won when Bruntlet had went for second on a wild pitch and advanced to third on a mis-throw. Tonight it will be Sonnanstine and Blanton going head to head. Should be a good game, though I don't really know what to expect from those two. Here's hoping Upton finds his power stroke again.

No Bowa for Yankees

Peter Abraham is reporting on his blog that Larry Bowa will stay with the Dodgers and coach under Torre. This is sad yet predictable news for the Yankees since they are currently in the market for a 3rd base coach, and Bowa was quite popular in his time with the Yankees. Now that their first choice is out, the question is who is their back up choice? Do you bring in a popular Yankee of old? Paul O'Neil or Tino Martinez perhaps? Maybe someone with coaching or managing experience? Or do you just promote from within the ranks? I don't like the idea of giving a former popular Yankee a coaching job unless they're actually good at coaching. Giving a former player a coaching job just because they're a former player isn't a good idea. Personally, I think the Yankees should bring in a former big name player that didn't play for the Yankees. If I had my pick, the Yankees would bring in Cal Ripken Jr. to coach third base. Just think about how great it would be to have the hall of fame iron man coaching kids like Cano. You think he would accept any lacadasical play, or laziness from Cano? Plus it would be a great selling point to try and get Mussina to return. The Yankees can say "Look Mike, we brought your old friend and former teammate Cal Ripken Jr. to coach for us, please sign on the dotted line.", and then we have the Moose back. In fact, I don't see any way that this isn't a good idea, well beside the fact that Ripken would never sign to coach for the Yankees.

My other idea for how the Yankees can approach this off season is to ask for a $700 billion bailout plan of their own. They can claim that they dug themselves in a hole by signing all these subprime veterans over the years, and now need the money to bail themselves out of 3rd place. Just think about how easy trade negotiations would be if the Yankees had $700 billion at their disposal. They can call Tampa Bay and say "Give us Kazmir for a billion dollars.", and you think Tampa wouldn't budge? Then we can call Toronto and ask for Roy Halladay for another billion dollars, call St. Louis and get Pujols for a billion dollars, and call Texas for Josh Hamilton in exchange for another billion dollars. Relievers? I bet K-Rod would take a billion dollar contract to be a set up man for Mariano. We just fixed our entire team and we still have $695 billion left to spend. Also, I bet Ripken would coach third base for the Yankees if a billion dollars were involved, and even if he didn't we could always call the Dodgers and ask them to give us Bowa for a billion dollars. Then we can call the Red Sox and tell them to take Kei Igawa for a billion dollars, and then the Red Sox will be stuck with him. There's no down side to this plan. The possibilities are endless.

Lastly, tonight is game 7 ace Matt Garza vs. the ever aging Jamie Moyer. No one in their right mind would pick Moyer to win this game, but this is baseball after all, and this is the world series. No one would have guessed Larson would pitch a perfect game after getting crushed in his previous start. Either way, my money's on Garza. Should be a good game one way or another. Enjoy!