Alex Rodriguez was said to be meeting with MLB investigators tonight about the whole steroid thing. Thanks to our intrepid undercover reporting team, we were able to record and transcribe the entire conversation as it was happening. This is what we got:
Investigator 1: So Alex, can you tell us what bole or boli is?
A-Rod: Its a steroid.
Investigator 1: Who got it for you?
A-Rod: My cousin.
Investigator 1: Okay, well where did he get it from?
A-Rod: From a dominican pharmacy.
Investigator 1: Where in the Dominican Republic did he get them?
A-Rod: At a pharmacy.
Investigator 2: Alright, moving on. How long have you been seeing Madonna?
A-Rod: What does this have...
Investigator 2: I'm the one asking the questions here!
A-Rod: Sure but, it seems like...
Investigator 2: Either you answer the question or you'll be suspended for not cooperating!
A-Rod: Okay, umm, we've been seeing each other since last season. Probably around summer time.
Investigator 2: Do you make her laugh?
A-Rod: I suppose she sometimes giggles...
Investigator 2: Do you make her laugh like I do!?
A-Rod: Cashman is that you?
Investigator 2: Its me Alex! I was wearing a fake mustache. See. And now I've caught you in a bold face lie!
A-Rod: What are you talking about? What's going on?
Brian Cashman: You give me back Madonna, or you'll be suspended without pay.
A-Rod: And whose this guy?
Investigator 1: Oh, I work for MLB, but Hank bought me these aligator boots to let this happen. I'm turning the other way for all this.
A-Rod: Man, so this is really what this meeting is all about Brian?
Brian Cashman: Don't belittle the situation. You took something that wasn't yours. Material Girl got me through high school.
A-Rod: That's fine and all, but...wait, what's that over there?
Brian Cashman: Where?
A-Rod: Behind that plant there, in the corner.
Brian Cashman: I don't see anything.
A-Rod: Selena I see you. Come out of there.
Selena Roberts: Alright Alex you caught me.
Brian Cashman: Oh c'mon, my children are sleeping in the other room. Get out of here!
Selena Roberts: Can you at least call security first? I want to show how good I am at evading them.
A-Rod: Would you just go please!
Selena Roberts: Fine I'll go. Can we ride back together?
A-Rod: No, just go back to ESPN before I file a harrasment suit.
Selena Roberts: I don't work at ESPN.
A-Rod: Well, just go back to whereever you came from.
Selena Roberts: Great, looks like I'm going back to the Respect Jeter's Gangsters couch.
A-Rod: I wonder what Jeter's up to?
So there you have it. There were a lot of revelations that came out of this meeting. First, it looks like Alex got the steroids from his cousin, and it looks like his cousin got it from the Dominican Republic. Lovely.