Thursday, March 26, 2009

Season Opener Preparedness Test

As the first game of the season approaches, it is important to take stock and determine whether we are indeed prepared for the season. Since most games are televised on the YES Network, it is important to make sure you have access to cable. Subscribing is one option, but having a neighbor with a subscription and a cable splitter is another option.

Next: beer, pretzels, hot dogs, a bookie, and Pete Rose's phone number should be readily accessible. I suggest some sort of cooler, cell phone combination.

It is also a good idea to have some excuses ready as the regular consumption of beer, pretzels, and hot dogs destroys the physique you worked so hard to achieve in the off-season and begins to repulse your significant other. "These pants make me look fat," is a good one. Other ones include, "This couch is like a funhouse mirror, it's an optical illusion," or, "I haven't gained weight, you have a parasite and so you just think I've gotten bigger." "That's your mother speaking, she's tearing this family apart!" is also a classic.

Now you are ready for opening day, as well as the next six months. Congratulations. You can thank me later, or preferably right now in the comments section.

7 comments:

She-Fan said...

Thanks for the opening day preparedness test! I've got my lucky T-shirts and caps ready and ordered my Extra Innings cable package so I can watch games here in CA. April 6th can't come soon enough.

anonymous number two (ant) said...

You should make a PSA or something. I would suggest also purchasing fresh batteries for the remote (no to change the channel, but to up or down the volume). Joe Girardi's tone of voice is so annoying.

She-Fan said...

I thought I was the only one who found Girardi's voice annoying. But then I just did a whole post about the Yankees who annoy me for various reasons. (Sorry, Jeter's on the list.)

Fernando Alejandro said...

I saw that She-Fan! Jeter likes his stock answers. Its how he's survived in his time in New York.

The only time Girardi's voice annoys me is after a loss. Hearing him go on and on pointing out the positives in a terrible game just got to me.

Ruthie said...

well seeing as i am only 16, i'll have to change the beer into red bull... or a 20$ bill so i can pull a 'hey mister'../i love nick swisher by the way.his voice is great, he seems so intrested in the yankees when he's doing interviews. a-rods voice is getting annyoing.. or maybe its just heraing him say "and for that i am sorry" is whats getting irksome.. =)

(opening day.. woo hoo..and how stupid is it that their schedul starts off with like a 14 day road trip. its a new stadium, let them break it in..who evers doing the scheduels needs to be burned at the stake.. they did that with the old stadium too.playing the last game of the season in boston..wtf?)

Fernando Alejandro said...

It is tough to start the season on the road, but at least its against Kansas City and Baltimore. I think that's a great way to start a season.

Ruthie said...

If it were any other season, i'd prolly agree..starting off against teams like that, not nessicarily that weak, some good competition.. but its something about it being the inagural season. I just wish they would be at home for atleats liek one series i mean come on lol. but hey, at the end of the day, you chalk it up to either one for the win colum or one for the loss column.... >=/ ...nope...still mad though!! =)