Even with the anticipation of hearing A-Rod's reaction to both Derek Jeter's and Robinson Cano's controversial press conferences, many members of the New York press adamantly refused to attend A-Rod's.
"A-Rod's become boring," lamented Lucky VanWriterstein. "He's always like, 'I don't have anything to say about that,' or 'I just want to do my part and help the team win.' He used to have pizazz! You'd ask him a question, any question, and he'd be like 'I'm a centaur and I'm sleeping with Madonna. Want to see a picture of my wife and kids?' That was meat. I can't even reach the article word limit with the stuff he gives us now."
The BBWAA is considering a general work stoppage if A-Rod doesn't become interesting again. Asked whether they thought such a strategy might backfire considering A-Rod's new 'boring' persona was the result of a desire for less media scrutiny in the first place, the BBWAA New York Chapter president, Mike Lupica, responded, "You think you're clever?! I'm clever. Clever. Like the kids used to be. Like it used to matter."
Asked why he talked like that in real life, Lupica refused to answer any further questions.
A-Rod has vowed to continue to keep his answers short and focus on baseball. It worked like a charm last year, when he finally earned his pinstripes by not being booed for no reason.