Thursday, February 11, 2010

Nats Love Them Some Former Yankees

It was recently reported that the Nationals signed former Yankees ace Chien Ming Wang for the season. For those who have watched closely, this is just the most recent action in an on going strategy the Nationals have of acquiring players the Yankees don't want anymore. Among that list on the current Nationals roster are:

C - Wil Nieves
SP - Tyler Clippard
Former Attrny General - Alberto Gonzalez
RP - Brian Bruney

And now Wang. Though many of you may not remember all those players, or care to look them up, the Nationals clearly have, and they have made their strategy evident. They are trying to be the Yankees.

"All those championships, all those rings. There's no doubt its who we want to become. Without question, if the Yankees drop a player, we sign them." Explained a Nationals Exec. whose name will remain anonymous since I'm not invested enough in this story to look one up.

"Soon, the Yankees will mess up and drop a Mariano Rivera, or a Derek Jeter. Then we'll be right there ready to reunite them with all their teammates from years past, and win a championship." He continued.

Its a bold move, and speaking of bold moves, former Yankee Kyle Farnsworth is going to get his shot as a starter. Since his lazer straight fastball didn't perform so well one inning at a time, the Royals now feel like a move to the rotation, where he has to throw 5+ innings at a time is the only right move.

"Farnsworth's fastball is deceptive in that it gets better the deeper into a game he gets. No one found this out because he always gave up 4 runs in 2/3 of an inning and had to get pulled. But around his 70th pitch or so, his fastball suddenly moves like a hurricane across the strike zone! Its like a knuckleball traveling 100 mph!" Explained Kansas City pitching coach, Bob McClure.

In terms of preparation, Farnsworth feels that a solid off season training regimen should prepare him for the increased work load.

"I usually stick to bicep curls all year round, but apparently that doesn't qualify as conditioning." Explained Farnsworth.

Some experts beleive that while increasing Farnsworth's innings in a season may not increase his effectiveness, it will certainly increase the number of body slams we all get to witness.


Anonymous said...

I was trying to think of baseball players I really hate and came up with:

- Farnsworthless
- Curt Schilling
- Randy Johnson
- Jason Varitek
- Luis Gonzalez (my stomach gets all weird and I get angry writing his name, I am irrational.)
- Craig Counsell
- Kevin Millar
- Trot Nixon
- Jacoby Ellsbury (I used to be pretty indifferent to him, and then he stole home against my Andy, everyone acted like it was the most amazing thing that ever happened, and now I hate him forever.)
- Jonathan Papelbon
- John Rocker
- Josh Beckett
- Kevin Youkilis, sort of
- Ivan Rodriguez, sort of
- everyone on the Angels except Torii Hunter

I need help to think of others, as I feel like I am forgetting someone obvious.

Anyway, I can't believe the Royals are gonna give Farnsworth a chance to start, but not Soria. That's just weird. But then again, it's the Royals.

Rich Mahogany said...

Number one on my hated player list is Carl Everett, and that was before he broke up Mussina's perfect game in Fenway.

Milton Bradley, because if I acted like an asshole to my boss and coworkers while taking lots of days off I'd get fired, but he got a $30 million contract.

Kevin Brown.

Anonymous said...

I actually don't hate Kevin Brown, go figure.

Tony Womack. I both spite-hate the 2001 Diamondbacks, and so many of them seemed like tremendous douchebags. You're on the list too, Mark Grace. Plus, Tony was SO INCREDIBLY AWFUL on the Yankees.

I don't hate Ichiro, but I really don't like him.

Rich Mahogany said...

The one shred of happiness I derived from the 2001 WS came from a post-game 7, on-field interview with Womack. He had a woman with him who looked like she was in her 50s. The reported asked "Is this your mother with you Tony?" He said "Naw man, this is my wife!"

Then I realized that this guy led off for the team that beat us, and I wept.

Anonymous said...

I should add that I LOVE Manny. LOVE. Always did, even when he was on the Indians when we had a sort of rivalry with them and when he was on Boston, and he killed us. He is so hilarious; I just can't help it.

Never minded Damon, I hate the media's "ZOMG teh clutchest ever!!!!" treatment of Ortiz and the way they swept his bullshit steroid non-admission under the table, as well as the fact that he killed us in 2004, but I have nothing against him personally.

Vicente Padilla.

Anyone who ever made Andy Pettitte all flustered and upset. Well, that would be like, 90% of baseball.

Pretty much anyone with a walk-off off of Mo gets my eternal wrath.

Anonymous said...

Then I realized that this guy led off for the team that beat us, and I wept.

Not only that. HE GOT THE GAME-TYING HIT IN GAME 7. Tony goddamn Womack. I... don't think I'm ever getting over that.

That's a pretty funny story about Tony Womack's wife, but I never saw the post-game interviews from 2001. I turned off the TV like the second that bloop hit. I saw Mariano saying something like "I made my pitches and they hit them" a few days later and I burst out crying. Yeah, I'm kind of pathetic.

Word verification: phillie. Hmmm

Rich Mahogany said...

The Farnsworth thing is beyond ridiculous, but I guess the Royals are like, what the hell, you can't get worse than last place. Maybe ownership figures that more people will buy tickets so they can boo Farnsworth.

Now Wang apparently doesn't have a deal with the Nationals.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe ownership figures that more people will buy tickets so they can boo Farnsworth."

I am also proud to say I never hated A-Rod. I was really young, but I understood that he was going to go to whatever team offered him the most money in free agency, and I didn't see how that was a problem. Then again, if I'm being honest, I liked him when he was with the Mariners primarily because he was SO UNBELIEVABLY GORGEOUS. *_*

Anonymous said...

Dave Roberts.

Big Papi.

Manny's just amusing except when he's hitting against the Yanks.

Anonymous said...

Jeff Weaver.

Anonymous said...

Good call on Dave Roberts. I don't so much hate Dave Roberts as much as I'm really frigging tired of the bosom-heaving over DAVE ROBERTS STOLE SECOND OMG IT CHANGED TEH WHOLE SERIES AND CAUSED A MIRACLE!!!!! In The Yankee Years Torre whines about how Mariano throwing over to first warmed up Roberts and how he knew he was going to steal. Uh then CALL FOR A PITCH-OUT. Posada had a perfect throw that almost got him anyway, and Mariano is pretty slow getting to the plate. Annoying.

I do kind of hate him, though.

Rich Mahogany said...

I can't hate Roberts for doing the one thing he was supposed to do. The guy was otherwise so inconsequential. He is the Sox equivalent to Aaron Boone.

I guess I do hate Ortiz for coming up with whatever ridiculous excuse he had for testing positive for PEDs and getting much of the sports media to believe him, right after those same reporters accused ARod of murdering baseball history after admitting to taking PEDs.

I'm surprised two names haven't come up yet - Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa. The Yankees committed $60 million to those guys (and blew another $26 million on Igawa's posting fee).

Anonymous, you should consider picking a name as you clearly are a RJG regular!

Fernando Alejandro said...

A simple mention of Kyle Farnsworth leads to a discussion of Yankees we hate. That's funny!

And I agree, Kei Igawa and Carl Pavano seem oddly underrepresented in this discussion.

still nameless anonymous said...

Eh, Boone and Roberts aren't really the same. Boone shouldn't get as much credit as what Posada and Mariano did in that game, but Boone did, actually, win the game. If Mariano strikes out the guys he faces after Roberts steals 2B, nobody cares about the fact that he stole that base.

Johnny Damon's two stolen bases in one play is pretty awesome, but if A-Rod hits that line drive right to Ibanez, no one's talking about it any more.

A Sox fan from my college had a shirt that said "Aaron Fucking Boone" and he wore it, A LOT. I would definitely make a shirt that said "Luis Fucking Gonzalez."

I can't hate Kei Igawa because I feel like I can only hate YANKEES when they are both terrible baseball players and terrible people. Obviously he sucks at baseball, but as a person, he seems perfectly fine. I hated Carl Pavano during Game 3 of the ALDS but that was pretty much resolved when A-Rod and Posada took him deep, and Pettitte outdueled him.