Friday, January 20, 2012

RJG Breaks Down the Carmona Situation

So Fausto Carmona is actually Roberto Hernandez Heredia. This is like the end of 'The Usual Suspects' only Carmona got caught, because crime doesn't pay. Actually, Carmona's going to make $7 million next year. Crime pays quite well.

Some may be tempted to be upset by Carmona's actions, but he plays for Cleveland, so it was a victimless crime. Also, lying about your age is an American tradition. How many times did you try to buy alcohol before you turned 21? Exactly. So STF about it!

But let's also keep something else in mind. We live in a country so wealthy we make people spectacularly rich for being adept at throwing and/or catching a ball. The Dominican Republic? A little less wealthy. I didn't grow up in the Dominican Republic, or poor, but If someone said they would pay me at minimum, hundreds of thousands of dollars to throw a ball, I'd lie my @$$ off. I would lie about my age, my name, my love for throwing a ball. I would even stoop so low as to say that I love the city of Cleveland (nothing against Cleveland, but love?). The only thing I would have even the slightest inclination to be honest about are my bank account and routing numbers. That's it.


Fernando Alejandro said...

This sums up the situation quite perfectly actually.

Rich Mahogany said...

What's awesome is that he wanted a fake identity and chose the name Fausto. I'm not an expert in Domincan first names but I doubt there are many Faustos out there. He must have thought "If I'm going with a fake name, let's relly do this."

My sources have provided the other potential names rejected by Roberto Heredia:

Jupiter Ramses Armageddon
Shlomo Lipschitz
Grover "Cleveland" Alexander
Steven Hawking

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

I would've gone with Pele.

Anonymous said...

I would've gone with Alex Manny Sosa.

Anonymous said...

Here is a perfect chance for the Yankees to get rid of AJ. The Indians are desperate to get Swisher. So, we give them Swisher, but they must also take AJ. The Yankees get Fausto Carmona and Grady Sizemore. The Yanks eat $7 mil a year of AJ's contract. Both the Indian and Yankees get rid of their albatross. The Yanks free up $8 this year and next year for a DH. Then the Yanks trade Phil Hughes and a mid-level prospect for Billy Butler of Kansas City to DH.