Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Baseball Players Feeling Economic Woes

If you have been paying attention to the news or any of the economic indicators than you probably heard about the troubles this country has been facing. With banking giants collapsing and needing a bail out by the feds, and gas prices soaring to unholy heights, the economic problems have been felt by many, including ball players. We at the "Respect Jeter's Gangster" blog sent our investigative team to interview players around the majors about the impact of gas prices on their day-to-day lives.

"Its tragic how much I've had to cut back." Explained Yankee shortstop and captain Derek Jeter. "I used to send my private jet to every city we were playing just in case I wanted to take private flights to nearby towns. I can't do that anymore."

"Next year I might have to stop taking my jet to Shea during the subway series. I suppose I could take my Ford Edge, but who the heck wants to drive a Ford Edge?" He continued.

What Derek Jeter reported was a common sentiment among ball players across the country who have been pressed by high gas prices.

"It got so bad I had to trade in my Hummer, for an H2. And everyone knows the H2 is a girl car! Have you seen how small they are? I don't feel safe behind that thing, but I get a couple more miles per gallon out of it, which will save me millions without having to switch to Geico, those cave dwelling mother(expletive deleted)." Described Angels closer Francisco Rodriguez.

"Look, I used to leave the AC running in my car so when I got out of the game it would be nice and cool. Now, I can't afford to do that. I have to leave the AC off, and then my leather seats are all sticky when I get in them. Its inhumane." Stated Boston Red Sox starter Josh Beckett.

"I used to take my yacht to Spain every fall. Now, I can only make it to Iceland, and who the (expletive deleted) wants to go to Iceland?" Asked BJ Ryan from the Toronto Blue Jays.

When asked to comment, Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon called today's market conditions "borderline criminal."

Even Yankee reliever Kyle Farnsworth had to make some adjustments towards his favorite off season hobby.

"Hunting used to be my favorite hobby. With these gas prices, I simply can't afford all the hunting equipment I like. I mean, no more gas lamps, no more gas powered skillets, no more gas propelled bullets, gas powered beer hats, gas powered beer openers, and even the gas powered satellite TV with the gas powered remote and gas powered TiVo is out."

Despite the problems, some ball players have been using the housing market's woes to their advantage.

"I used to drive to my home 34 miles away after every game. I just bought a house only 3 miles away, which saves me 31 miles every night I play. I also bought houses near every stadium in our division. Even though my team pays for the rental that gets me to the hotel, gas comes out of my pocket." Explained Yankee catcher Jorge Posada.

For the rest of us baseball lovers we can take solace in the fact that our heroes are feeling the economic woes too.

4 comments:

raven said...

That's the reason why J.D. "Just can't stop the Drooling" Drew pushed the car he stole from Aaron Cook all the way back to Boston.

yankeehottie said...

This blog is hysterical.

Thans for the add on the Blogroll ;)

Yankeehottie.blogspot.com

Fernando Alejandro said...

Glad you like it Marisol!

As for JD Drew, he deserved Aaron Cook's car. The AL home field advantage is all thanks to him.

raven said...

Had JD Drew outpitched David Wright in the game, he might have had a chance to get my vote for the MVP.