Thursday, July 17, 2008

Yankees Complete Blockbuster Deal with Sexson

After several days of running numbers and negotiating with agents, Brian Cashman has finally completed the blockbuster deal that will bring Richie Sexson to New York. With the Yankees playing like stagnant water, Cashman hopes the addition of Sexson will help stir them waters up. Cashman explains some of the thought process that went into signing Sexson:

"I was kind of like 'should I bet this $119,000 on the horse races, or should I sign Richie Sexson?' then my assistant told me Mocha Thunder was injured and that's who I planned to bet on, so I figured 'what the heck, let's sign Sexson.'"

When asked what Sexson brings to the Yankees Cashman was very specific:

"Sexson brings height, and with that fear. Opposing pitchers will be terrified of him, especially if we have him go out there with a club instead of a bat. They'd think he was an ogre! Haha! That's kind of funny. Any way, yeah, he brings height. I hope that after facing him, pitchers won't be able to readjust their strike zone, and will leave a few pitches up for whoever bats behind him."

When asked what Sexson bring defensively, Cashman responded:

"Who cares? The guys like 8 feet tall! How can he not help us defensively? Maybe I'll have him play outfield and knock down homeruns. He's waisted at first base."

When asked about the deal, Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon called Richie Sexson's height "Borderline criminal."

In response, Cashman had this to say:

"If height is criminal then the NBA would be a league of criminals. Just like the NFL. Check and mate Maddon, check and mate."

We will just have to see how Sexson plays out. Lets hope he gives this team the boost they so very much need.


Fred Trigger said...

If Big Sexy goes on a huge tear, and helps the yanks back into the playoff race, I shall forever be known as "Foreseer of the Future".

Roberto Alejandro said...

I think the Red Sox will counter our move by signing Manute Bol.

Fred Trigger said...

I'm kind of partial to signing Gheorghe Mure┼čan.

Bucky7588 said...

i think its a good move. There's so little risk, and who knows, he may stop sucking

cmasone said...

Richie's full name is Richmond Lockwood Sexson.

I hereby request and require that this website heretofore refer to him as "Dicklock Sexy"

(with credit to Tommiesmithjohncarlos at RAB)

raven said...

Let's hope the Blockbuster Deal with Big Sexy won't end up like Big Brown's amazing tour.