Much has been written about the Yankees lackluster first half, and questions have been raised as to whether the Yankees can turn things around. The most effective way to deal with a problem is to first identify it. Once the problem has been identified then it can be addressed. So what has been the Yankees problem? We at the "Respect Jeter's Gangster" blog have put together a list of possible reasons for the Yankees first half mediocrity.
1) Girardi has been pumping up his team with Avril Lavigne music again.
2) Although the Yankees uncovered the David Ortiz jersey buried in the visiting clubhouse of the new stadium, they have yet to find the 500 Bill Buckner jersey's buried all over the foundation of the new Yankee stadium.
3) Damon's been spiking the water cooler.
4) The Yankees thought "small ball" was Girardi's way of saying "don't score runs."
5) The curse of Bernie Williams?
6) We have Betemit and Gardner batting back-to-back.
7) The Yankees have been waiting for their savior, Carl Pavano, to ride in and save them.
8) The Yankees are too down about the current gas prices and market conditions to play ball.
9) Turns out the root of all their success all these years was candy.
10) They'll turn things around when they feel like it, respect their gangster.
11) Girardi hasn't given that one speech where he gets real worked up, punches the trainer's table, pours hot coffee on himself while tearing up pictures of Madonna and yells obscenities about Jeffrey Loria, then ends it by performing an interpretive dance whose meaning has something to do with fighting communism. Its how he did things with the Marlins.
12) The joint curse of Bernie Williams and Joe Torre and maybe even Madonna? Scott Patterson? Chris Britton? Who else have the Yankees scorned in the last year?
Other options left off the list were "Age" and "Lack of Interest" because they weren't as interesting as the ones listed above. Once the Yankees determine which one of these is the problem, they'll be able to address it once and for all. Let's hope they figure it out before tomorrow's game.