Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Javy Goes Seven Strong, Defeats the Os

The Good

Seven innings and one run from your starter is always good. Javy's ERA is down to an almost respectable 20.67. A few more starts like this and he'll be golden. Granderson hit a home run against a lefty, making him officially better than Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui combined.

The Bad

The Yankees, who were playing the Orioles last night, got seven innings of one run ball and a scoreless two innings from their 'pen. Despite this, the only reason they won was because of an error in the seventh that allowed two unearned runs to score. These are the Os people, that is unacceptable. I realize Matusz is probably their best pitcher, but still.

The Ugly

When the Yanks got back to the clubhouse after their win, there was a bear in it. Nobody knew how the bear had gotten into the clubhouse. Teixeira spoke up first, "It's an old Portuguese message," Teixeira explained. "It means there's a bear in the clubhouse."

"That's so stupid!" replied AJ Burnett, "That's not even a message, that's just what it is. As every good son of Arkansas knows, bears only appear when they want to be shot by hunters. I'm going to get my rifle from my truck."

AJ was quickly reminded that MLB has banned guns in the clubhouse. He quickly took the computer in his locker to draft a strongly worded letter to the Commissioner, whom AJ refers to as "Butt Selig."

Eventually the bear was anesthetized by highlight videos of the Orioles attempting to play baseball and removed from the clubhouse.

A Grander-Bomb, From Granderson

That would've been my call anyway. Granderson hit his third home run of the season, netting his fifth and sixth dollars for the children. If you want to be grand like Granderson, then enter the CHF raffle. Believe me, bullies will stop messing with you.

Posada 6hr = $12
Granderson 3hr = $6
Cano 11hr = $22
Swisher 9hr = $18
Jeter 5hr = $10
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 7hr = $14
Teixeira 8hr = $16
Thames 2hr = $4
Gardner 2hr = $4
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 2hr = $4
Total = $116


Rich Mahogany said...

AJ's readiness to protect his team from bears is the sort of intangible that doesn't show up in the box score.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

That's very true. Plus his wit is as sharp is his fastball is electric. Butt Selig won't know what hit him.

cheshirecat9 said...

Random non-bear related note: A beautiful rainbow appeared over the Stadium while Javy was kicking butt. I am taking it as a sign of good things to come from him.

Rich Mahogany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rich Mahogany said...

Wow. Normally that sort of thing only happens when Mo is pitching.

Dylan Murphy said...

I think that rainbow was a good omen as well. Another good one: Every time I've watched Javy pitched, he's pitched well.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

It looks like you're not allowed to miss any of his starts then, Dylan. Hell, most ballplayers are superstitious enough that if you told Javy that he might fly you out to every start.

Rich Mahogany said...

By the way, Roberto is a liar. Bullies are still messing with me.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

I stand by my guarantee. Did you remember to mention that you are more philanthropic than they are?