Sabathia went seven innings, allowing three runs. Joba and Mo both gave us scoreless innings, while A-Rod and Gardner hit home runs.
The Yankees win cost Orioles manager Dave Trembely his job. Apparently he had lied in his resume, where he claimed to be an expert in alchemy. When all was said and done, he just couldn't take the $#!% the Os gave him and turn it into gold, so he was let go.
When Brett Gardner hit his home run, he inexplicably stopped at second and started taking off his gear.
"It went out," the second base ump told him.
"Yeah, I know. Ground rule double," replied Gardner.
"No, it went out. Keep moving," explained the ump.
"Was there a balk?" asked a confused Gardner.
"No you hit it out. A home run. Home. Run home," exclaimed an exasperated ump.
"Wait, slow down," said Gardner. "Do you mean to tell me I just hit a home run? This never happens to me! This is so awesome. Are my feet on the ground? I feel like I'm floating. Do you think someone caught it on video? I hope they retrieve the ball."
"Just round the #$&%$@* bases," said the ump.
And round the bases he did. Uglily.
Unsurprising and Unexpected
A-Rod hit a home run and Gardner hit a home run. $4 more for the children. Did you ask about a raffle? You did? Well here are the details for how you can win tickets to a Yanks-BoSox game on August 7th. Who knows? You could end up in the same seat a young Derek Jeter used to sit in when he would come to the stadium as a child.
Posada 6hr = $12
Granderson 3hr = $6
Cano 11hr = $22
Swisher 9hr = $18
Jeter 5hr = $10
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 8hr = $16
Teixeira 8hr = $16
Thames 2hr = $4
Gardner 3hr = $6
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 2hr = $4
Total = $120