So far the big news of the winter meetings relating to CC Sabathia is that he has met with Cashman, and is set to meet with the Brewers today. I can only imagine what that conversation will be like since I seriously don't know how you sell $40 million less dollars to someone. The only thing I can think is that the Brewers are offering to hire Sabathia through one of their non-profit organizations and make the $40 million pay cut a charitable contribution he can later write off his taxes.
In the meantime, I've decided that I'm going to try and improve A-Rod's image by focusing on qualities that I've largely fabricated. For example, did you guys know that A-Rod is currently in an NYC hospital donating as much blood as legally possible because he read that there was a shortage? Or that he spent this last weekend teaching school children to say no to drugs? Or that three weeks ago he was in Thailand breaking up an illegal child slavery ring? I bet none of you knew that, and yet you all judge him.
Lastly, I'm really hoping for some news today from the Winter Meetings. If not that one Constantine Coolio Sabathia has signed with the Yankees, then at least that Burnett has gone to the Braves or that the Yankees have accomplished a blockbuster trade sending IPK, Melky, and Hughes to the Mets for Johan Santana.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm finding that I really dislike Dunkin Donuts coffee. It just doesn't taste good. But it is the only real breakfast chain restaurant, at least in the northeast. There's no Krispy Kreme's near by, and I suppose I could do Newman's Own fairtrade coffee at McDonald's, but I'm somewhat hesitant to go to McDonald's after I worked there as a teenager. Starbucks costs more than I'm willing to spend, and they don't have any drive-thru locations near here, which means I would have to get out of the car and brave the cold just to pay a lot for coffee that they make you put sugar and cream in like we were animals. Why does this matter? It doesn't, but with the Yankees giving us little to work with, I need to fill these pages with something.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
That's Why Your Contracts Aren't Guaranteed
This whole Plaxico Burress thing has got me to thinking. Whenever a football player refused to go to training camp because they wanted more money, I always defended them since the risk of injury was so high and the dollars weren't guaranteed. But here's the problem, the NFL can't give guaranteed contracts. A good 79% of the NFL players are convicted felons/future felons/in jail. Imagine if they got guaranteed contracts, they'd all be sitting around in prison earning millions, meanwhile their teams are getting totally pavanoed. That's not fair. So, here's to the NFL. Don't ever guarantee those contracts.
The First Periodic Panda Jerk Award
RJG is pround to announce the institution of a brand new award. There are jerks, and then there are panda jerks, and it is time to point them out and subject them to ridicule. What is a panda jerk you ask? One definition is that it is anyone who makes you look like an @$$hole. Another definition...well, there is no other definition. The award is not annual, nor monthly, nor weekly. It is periodic. The reason for this is, I may want to award two in one hour, but I can't do that if I name it a weekly award. The award will be granted whenever the award is merited.
The first award goes to CC Sabbathia. Sabbathia has sat on the Yankees $140M offer even though he has no other options that are remotely close. He's waiting for an offer to materialize from a West Coast team even though they're all looking elsewhere. It's been weeks. You're making the Yankees look like an @$$hole Sabbathia, and it has to stop. Apparently Sabbathia doesn't want to play in New York. Some say it's because it would put him far away from his family. Others suggest it's because the fans are unsupportive and ruthless, i.e. booing A-Rod when he hits a measly .300+ and over 30 homeruns. By the way, you suck A-Rod. But we all know the real reason for Sabbathia's hesitation. He's afraid of Plaxico Burress. Well let me help you out CC. Sure, Burress carries a .40 caliber glock in his sweat pants, and that's pretty crazy (dare I say gangster? I would if he hadn't shot himself in a decidedly ungangster fashion), but the giants play in New Jersey, you will play in the Bronx. Man up already. Panda Jerk!
The first award goes to CC Sabbathia. Sabbathia has sat on the Yankees $140M offer even though he has no other options that are remotely close. He's waiting for an offer to materialize from a West Coast team even though they're all looking elsewhere. It's been weeks. You're making the Yankees look like an @$$hole Sabbathia, and it has to stop. Apparently Sabbathia doesn't want to play in New York. Some say it's because it would put him far away from his family. Others suggest it's because the fans are unsupportive and ruthless, i.e. booing A-Rod when he hits a measly .300+ and over 30 homeruns. By the way, you suck A-Rod. But we all know the real reason for Sabbathia's hesitation. He's afraid of Plaxico Burress. Well let me help you out CC. Sure, Burress carries a .40 caliber glock in his sweat pants, and that's pretty crazy (dare I say gangster? I would if he hadn't shot himself in a decidedly ungangster fashion), but the giants play in New Jersey, you will play in the Bronx. Man up already. Panda Jerk!
Friday, December 5, 2008
A-Rod May Play for Dominican Team
According to Big Papi, it would appear that Alex Rodriguez will be playing for the Dominican team in this years World Baseball Classic. If Alex would have joined the Dominican team in the last go round, the team would have been a ridiculous construction of powerful offense. The lineup included David Ortiz, Albert Pujols, Alfonso Soriano, Jose Reyes, Vladimir Guerrero, and Placido Polanco all of them 4 years younger than they are now.
I understand that National sentiments run deep, but with Alex it doesn't appear to run too deep. If you ask me, its a little strange to change, which National team you wish to represent. I can see that maybe he wanted to represent both and couldn't so therefore he had to pick one in '05 and another in '09, but that just adds to the melodrama that is Alex Rodriguez.
If I were a baseball player, there is no doubt that I would play for the Puerto Rican team. I love the U.S. but I'd play for my island. Also, if I were a baseball player, I would probably be a homerun hitter who bats for average and steals bases on demand. My batting numbers would be similar to the 'roided Barry Bonds, only my base stealing would be similar to a young Rickey Henderson, and of course I would be a switch-hitter and gold glove defender with MVP written all over me. I would single-handedly drive the Puerto Rican team to the finals only to lose to the Japanese team, because of our lack of pitching depth (Our rotation in 2005 was anchored by Javier Vazquez, and Joel Pineiro).
Anyway, back to A-Rod, I guess I don't see how you can switch teams now. Stick with one team Alex. It makes you look a little less crazy.
I understand that National sentiments run deep, but with Alex it doesn't appear to run too deep. If you ask me, its a little strange to change, which National team you wish to represent. I can see that maybe he wanted to represent both and couldn't so therefore he had to pick one in '05 and another in '09, but that just adds to the melodrama that is Alex Rodriguez.
If I were a baseball player, there is no doubt that I would play for the Puerto Rican team. I love the U.S. but I'd play for my island. Also, if I were a baseball player, I would probably be a homerun hitter who bats for average and steals bases on demand. My batting numbers would be similar to the 'roided Barry Bonds, only my base stealing would be similar to a young Rickey Henderson, and of course I would be a switch-hitter and gold glove defender with MVP written all over me. I would single-handedly drive the Puerto Rican team to the finals only to lose to the Japanese team, because of our lack of pitching depth (Our rotation in 2005 was anchored by Javier Vazquez, and Joel Pineiro).
Anyway, back to A-Rod, I guess I don't see how you can switch teams now. Stick with one team Alex. It makes you look a little less crazy.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Braves Bail Out The Yankees II
Sorry Ed the Sports Fan, it looks like the Braves have bailed out the Yankees after all. Pete Abe is reporting that the Braves will likely sign A.J. Burnett before the winter meetings. I'm afraid Apple Juice is one gamble the Yankees won't be making in Las Vegas.
Pete is also reporting that the Giants will not be making an offer to Sabbathia. That means the Giants, Angels, and Dodgers are all passing on the Sabbathia sweepstakes. CC won't be playing in Cali, get over it big guy. His options now are to take the Yankees offer or take far less money to play in the NL on a non-California team. To think he could be really rich right now.
On a final note, one thing Yankee fans may want to get used to, though they may not like it, is the reality that Manny may very well be wearing pinstripes come February. The Yanks will probably sign Sabbathia, but Burnett is going to Atlanta and that will cause a bidding war for Lowe which the Yanks may not be interested in winning. They're not going after Marky T and they need some hitting help. Manny isn't going to get a very good deal elsewhere unless he accepts the Dodgers former offer (which I'm sure they'd put back on the table if he wanted). I suspect he'll be wearing pin stripes whether we like it or not.
Pete is also reporting that the Giants will not be making an offer to Sabbathia. That means the Giants, Angels, and Dodgers are all passing on the Sabbathia sweepstakes. CC won't be playing in Cali, get over it big guy. His options now are to take the Yankees offer or take far less money to play in the NL on a non-California team. To think he could be really rich right now.
On a final note, one thing Yankee fans may want to get used to, though they may not like it, is the reality that Manny may very well be wearing pinstripes come February. The Yanks will probably sign Sabbathia, but Burnett is going to Atlanta and that will cause a bidding war for Lowe which the Yanks may not be interested in winning. They're not going after Marky T and they need some hitting help. Manny isn't going to get a very good deal elsewhere unless he accepts the Dodgers former offer (which I'm sure they'd put back on the table if he wanted). I suspect he'll be wearing pin stripes whether we like it or not.
Around the Majors in One Paragraph
Khalil Greene to St. Louis, Renteria close to signing with San Francisco, Trever Miller signs deal with Cardinals, and Pedroia signs 6 year $40.5 million contract with Boston.
That's all that's a-happening.
Here is my prediction for the winter meetings:
-Giambi and Manny get super-drunk and engage in a fist fight that leaves them both injured and unable to play for next season.
-Sabathia realizes what we all knew all along. No one is offering him more than the Yankees.
-Burnett signs with the Braves, and Cashman doesn't even blink.
-Boras chugs steaming hot coffee during a tense negotiation session with teams over Derek Lowe, and then stares at the GM's present and says "I'm coming for you." The GM's are intimidated and immediately file restraining orders against Boras. All except the Yankees who are used to such behavior from their ownership group.
-Cashman pegs Boras with a football from a distance of about 90 yards. An impressive feat.
-Bobby Abreu enters the winter meetings and sees Brian Cashman standing in the lobby, but he totally ignores him and pretends not to see him. It gets awkward when they're alone in the elevator together, and even more awkward when they realize they're sharing a room together, and even more so awkward when they realize there's only one bed in the room.
-Marky T spends the entire winter meetings walking around with his Gold Glove, and charges different GM's to take a picture with him and his Gold Glove. He makes $300!
-Andy Pettitte spends the entire winter meetings with Ned Colletti and Joe Torre. He makes sure to schedule dinner at the same time as Cashman and then he makes sure to sit at the table right next to him so Cashman can hear them talk about LA.
-Chris Britton comes to the winter meetings and tries to harm Cashman who is rescued when Mike Mussina tackles Britton into a fountain. Mussina was present for the 80's tees convention happening in the same hotel.
-A-Rod and Madonna show up as he tries to make a grand announcement about his intent to marry her, only no one really hears it since everyone's trying to get Madonna's autograph. "'Material Girl' changed my life." says a grateful Theo Epstein.
-Clemens and Bonds show up together to interview with Bud Selig about a new speaking job that would entail going to all the teams and speaking about work ethic and integrity. They are upset when they find out that Canseco was already hired.
That's all that's a-happening.
Here is my prediction for the winter meetings:
-Giambi and Manny get super-drunk and engage in a fist fight that leaves them both injured and unable to play for next season.
-Sabathia realizes what we all knew all along. No one is offering him more than the Yankees.
-Burnett signs with the Braves, and Cashman doesn't even blink.
-Boras chugs steaming hot coffee during a tense negotiation session with teams over Derek Lowe, and then stares at the GM's present and says "I'm coming for you." The GM's are intimidated and immediately file restraining orders against Boras. All except the Yankees who are used to such behavior from their ownership group.
-Cashman pegs Boras with a football from a distance of about 90 yards. An impressive feat.
-Bobby Abreu enters the winter meetings and sees Brian Cashman standing in the lobby, but he totally ignores him and pretends not to see him. It gets awkward when they're alone in the elevator together, and even more awkward when they realize they're sharing a room together, and even more so awkward when they realize there's only one bed in the room.
-Marky T spends the entire winter meetings walking around with his Gold Glove, and charges different GM's to take a picture with him and his Gold Glove. He makes $300!
-Andy Pettitte spends the entire winter meetings with Ned Colletti and Joe Torre. He makes sure to schedule dinner at the same time as Cashman and then he makes sure to sit at the table right next to him so Cashman can hear them talk about LA.
-Chris Britton comes to the winter meetings and tries to harm Cashman who is rescued when Mike Mussina tackles Britton into a fountain. Mussina was present for the 80's tees convention happening in the same hotel.
-A-Rod and Madonna show up as he tries to make a grand announcement about his intent to marry her, only no one really hears it since everyone's trying to get Madonna's autograph. "'Material Girl' changed my life." says a grateful Theo Epstein.
-Clemens and Bonds show up together to interview with Bud Selig about a new speaking job that would entail going to all the teams and speaking about work ethic and integrity. They are upset when they find out that Canseco was already hired.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Braves Bail Out The Yankees
As I'm sure you've all heard by now, it seems our friends in Atlanta have taken it upon themselves to live up to their name by offering Burnett a five year deal. My only response is this: Please, Pleeeeeease sign Burnett. Do not let us get stuck with him, sign him now, and sign him hard. Do whatever it takes, Atlanta. Give him six years if you need to. Sign him now. Please.
Scott Boras Picks Up Pirate Clients
It is no secret that being a Boras client means long negotiations, and big contracts. In baseball, no one has gotten bigger pay for his clients than Boras, and often times he's even fooled teams to overpay players. He is a master of leverage, and master of perks. His contracts are often laced with incentives and little advantages that help sweeten the pot for his player. Whether its getting Daisuke Matsuzaka free plane rides from Japan or getting A-Rod millions if he goes on a homerun chase, Boras knows how to get the most out of any team out there.
So it is no surprise that the Pirates would hire Boras to help negotiate contracts for them. Not the Pittsburgh Pirates mind you, but the Somali Pirates that keep hijacking ships off of the Coast of Aden.
"It is with great pleasure that I announce that I will represent a group of Somali Pirates in all contract negotiations with different governments and shipping agencies." Read Scott Boras' official press release. "I look forward to working with my new clients and assuring that they are being represented honestly and are getting paid fair value. The days of exploiting pirates is over."
The question of whether Boras could be as effective in negotiating for pirates as he was negotiating for baseball players was answered after his first discussion with the Dutch government over a hijacked ship carrying a shipment of tires and a crew of 230. Boras was able to negotiate $2.8 million for the tires, and another $2.6 million for the crew.
"I used leverage to up the ante. I told them that the tires alone were worth at least $5 million, and that if they didn't buy them back I would sell them to the French who would undoubtedly pay for them. The Dutch wanted to negotiate so I would pretend that my phone was ringing and I'd answer like 'Hi, France? Yeah, how much do you want to give for these tires? Oh, really? The Dutch don't want to pay that much. I guess that makes the dutch a bunch of pansies.', and then the Dutch would up their position. It was flawless negotiating."
Boras' new clients were impressed. "Its all about the perks." Stated one satisfied Pirate whose name loosely translates to Captain Sea Dragon. "Boras not only got us our money, but he also got the Dutch to throw in $1,000 for every crew member not harmed, $10,000 if the ship didn't smell of alcohol, and even got them to throw in 2-dozen pounds of qat to sweeten the deal."
Qat, a mild narcotic popular in the region, has been thrown in to every Boras negotiation, including those back in the states.
"I thought it strange that Manny didn't want to take the contract we offered him." Explained Ned Colletti, the General Manager for the Dodgers. "When we sat down to negotiate with him, Boras said that the money was fine, but there was no qat in the contract. We thought it was some legal term, but when my lawyers couldn't find it anywhere we figured it was slang for incentives. When we started drafting some incentives, Boras was like 'I need at least 10 pounds of qat.' After that we withdrew our offer thinking he was mocking us. Not only because of the qat thing, but also because he took to wearing an eye patch throughout the negotiations. We figured he wasn't taking us seriously."
"I think the qat might be messing with him." Said General Manager Brian Cashman. "I talked with Boras the other day, and he seemed a little out there."
Cashman provided a transcript of the conversation he had with Boras over the phone:
Cashman: Hello?
Boras: Hi, I have a crew of 115 of your people here, and I want to find a way to get them back to you.
Cashman: Boras, this is Brian Cashman. You have the wrong number.
Boras: Who? Brian? From the Yankees?
Cashman: Yeah. Brian Cashman.
Boras: Oh. Well, you want 115 sailors?
Cashman: No.
Boras: Do you have some qat?
Cashman hangs up.
Despite his new found interest in mild narcotics, Boras remains the best at what he does.
As Captain Sea Dragon recalls: "He once got us $2.5 million from the Italian government for a crew of 200 people. The crew wasn't even Italian."
"When it comes to negotiating, you just need to be confident." Explained Boras. "Confident and high on qat. Those two are a winning combination."
So it is no surprise that the Pirates would hire Boras to help negotiate contracts for them. Not the Pittsburgh Pirates mind you, but the Somali Pirates that keep hijacking ships off of the Coast of Aden.
"It is with great pleasure that I announce that I will represent a group of Somali Pirates in all contract negotiations with different governments and shipping agencies." Read Scott Boras' official press release. "I look forward to working with my new clients and assuring that they are being represented honestly and are getting paid fair value. The days of exploiting pirates is over."
The question of whether Boras could be as effective in negotiating for pirates as he was negotiating for baseball players was answered after his first discussion with the Dutch government over a hijacked ship carrying a shipment of tires and a crew of 230. Boras was able to negotiate $2.8 million for the tires, and another $2.6 million for the crew.
"I used leverage to up the ante. I told them that the tires alone were worth at least $5 million, and that if they didn't buy them back I would sell them to the French who would undoubtedly pay for them. The Dutch wanted to negotiate so I would pretend that my phone was ringing and I'd answer like 'Hi, France? Yeah, how much do you want to give for these tires? Oh, really? The Dutch don't want to pay that much. I guess that makes the dutch a bunch of pansies.', and then the Dutch would up their position. It was flawless negotiating."
Boras' new clients were impressed. "Its all about the perks." Stated one satisfied Pirate whose name loosely translates to Captain Sea Dragon. "Boras not only got us our money, but he also got the Dutch to throw in $1,000 for every crew member not harmed, $10,000 if the ship didn't smell of alcohol, and even got them to throw in 2-dozen pounds of qat to sweeten the deal."
Qat, a mild narcotic popular in the region, has been thrown in to every Boras negotiation, including those back in the states.
"I thought it strange that Manny didn't want to take the contract we offered him." Explained Ned Colletti, the General Manager for the Dodgers. "When we sat down to negotiate with him, Boras said that the money was fine, but there was no qat in the contract. We thought it was some legal term, but when my lawyers couldn't find it anywhere we figured it was slang for incentives. When we started drafting some incentives, Boras was like 'I need at least 10 pounds of qat.' After that we withdrew our offer thinking he was mocking us. Not only because of the qat thing, but also because he took to wearing an eye patch throughout the negotiations. We figured he wasn't taking us seriously."
"I think the qat might be messing with him." Said General Manager Brian Cashman. "I talked with Boras the other day, and he seemed a little out there."
Cashman provided a transcript of the conversation he had with Boras over the phone:
Cashman: Hello?
Boras: Hi, I have a crew of 115 of your people here, and I want to find a way to get them back to you.
Cashman: Boras, this is Brian Cashman. You have the wrong number.
Boras: Who? Brian? From the Yankees?
Cashman: Yeah. Brian Cashman.
Boras: Oh. Well, you want 115 sailors?
Cashman: No.
Boras: Do you have some qat?
Cashman hangs up.
Despite his new found interest in mild narcotics, Boras remains the best at what he does.
As Captain Sea Dragon recalls: "He once got us $2.5 million from the Italian government for a crew of 200 people. The crew wasn't even Italian."
"When it comes to negotiating, you just need to be confident." Explained Boras. "Confident and high on qat. Those two are a winning combination."
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Yankees Do Not Offer Arbitration
It was announced yesterday that the Yankees have decided to not offer arbitration to any of their free agents. None. Not-a-one. This means that if Giambi, Abreu, Pettitte and Pudge sign on with another team, the Yankees will not get a single draft pick as compensation. For someone as concerned about the farm system as Cashman is, its surprising that he would fore go the draft picks, but I guess I can see it from his perspective. From his perspective Giambi made $21 million, Abreu and Pettitte made $16 million, and Pudge made $13 million. The Yankees supposedly want Pettitte back, and they seem to be willing to live with Abreu for another year, but allowing them to go to arbitration will likely mean a pay boost for Abreu and Pettitte will probably not get the pay cut the Yankees would hope for. At $21 million an arbitration case for Giambi would be interesting. As a rule, a team cannot offer less than 80% of the previous seasons salary to a player in arbitration. That means that Giambi would be eligible for at least $16.8 million for next season if he accepted arbitration. By this same rule, Pettitte would get at least a $12.8 million salary and Pudge would get at least $10.4 million. Giambi is likely to get some interest from other teams, but what teams would sign him for more than 2 years at $16 million a year? Giambi likes New York, and I think he'd prefer the 1 year at $16.8 million over 2 years at $16 million. That is just a guess of course since some team could easily offer him more, but he is an aging player who can't play much defense, and has lost some pop over the years. I don't know what teams are looking for a catcher, but the Yankees definetely don't want Pudge for $10.4 million. The market for Abreu, Giambi, and Pudge is weak, and a 1 year deal for a lot more money than they can expect to see from other teams, why not sign on for the season? Then if the Yankees sign Pettitte, which they are expected to do, then the Yankees end up with no draft picks anyway. I think it was a safe move.
No One Invited to the Party
So the Yankees offered arbitration to nobody in order to control costs. They've also outsourced most of their negotiations. Part of the reason negotiations have been taking so long is that agents now have to call an 800 number and be placed on hold before the can talk to an associate negotiator. It's definitely cost effective, but of questionable efficiency. The new stadium will use 1/4 the electricity of the old one, as only 1/4 of the new stadium will even be hooked up to the power grid. This should avoid the sort of blackouts caused by the old Yankee Stadium a few years back. Also, all concessions will be green. Not because they're organic or anything, but the Yankees will be ignoring health regulations and selling moldy food. They will not buy more until all of it is gone. This new streamlined approach should make the Yankees champions within the next three years, so I'm all for it.
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