Thursday, December 4, 2008

Around the Majors in One Paragraph

Khalil Greene to St. Louis, Renteria close to signing with San Francisco, Trever Miller signs deal with Cardinals, and Pedroia signs 6 year $40.5 million contract with Boston.

That's all that's a-happening.

Here is my prediction for the winter meetings:

-Giambi and Manny get super-drunk and engage in a fist fight that leaves them both injured and unable to play for next season.
-Sabathia realizes what we all knew all along. No one is offering him more than the Yankees.
-Burnett signs with the Braves, and Cashman doesn't even blink.
-Boras chugs steaming hot coffee during a tense negotiation session with teams over Derek Lowe, and then stares at the GM's present and says "I'm coming for you." The GM's are intimidated and immediately file restraining orders against Boras. All except the Yankees who are used to such behavior from their ownership group.
-Cashman pegs Boras with a football from a distance of about 90 yards. An impressive feat.
-Bobby Abreu enters the winter meetings and sees Brian Cashman standing in the lobby, but he totally ignores him and pretends not to see him. It gets awkward when they're alone in the elevator together, and even more awkward when they realize they're sharing a room together, and even more so awkward when they realize there's only one bed in the room.
-Marky T spends the entire winter meetings walking around with his Gold Glove, and charges different GM's to take a picture with him and his Gold Glove. He makes $300!
-Andy Pettitte spends the entire winter meetings with Ned Colletti and Joe Torre. He makes sure to schedule dinner at the same time as Cashman and then he makes sure to sit at the table right next to him so Cashman can hear them talk about LA.
-Chris Britton comes to the winter meetings and tries to harm Cashman who is rescued when Mike Mussina tackles Britton into a fountain. Mussina was present for the 80's tees convention happening in the same hotel.
-A-Rod and Madonna show up as he tries to make a grand announcement about his intent to marry her, only no one really hears it since everyone's trying to get Madonna's autograph. "'Material Girl' changed my life." says a grateful Theo Epstein.
-Clemens and Bonds show up together to interview with Bud Selig about a new speaking job that would entail going to all the teams and speaking about work ethic and integrity. They are upset when they find out that Canseco was already hired.


Anonymous said...

I'm sure every single thing you predict will happen - except Boras and the steaming hot coffee. He looks like a tea drinker.

Fernando Alejandro said...

I don't know, someone as bitter-faced as Boras has to drink

Raven King said...

There's no plain things such as coffee and tea on Mr. Boras's table.
Everybody in the business knows this is his official drink.