RJG Catches Up With Hank Steinbrenner

Every so often we like to check in with everyone's favorite baseball team owner's brother, Hank Steinbrenner. Hank has been awfully quiet this year as his brother Hal has been running things, but his silence never means that he has nothing on his mind. We sat down with Hank, to get his thoughts on the 2009 season, and the direction of the Yankees.

RJG: Thank you very much for taking time out of your busy day to come meet with us.

HS: Always a pleasure.

RJG: Its been a while since you've been in the spotlight, what have you been up to this year?

HS: Basically, I've taken to the shadows. Hal's running things, but someone needs to pull the strings. All puppets need a puppet master, otherwise they remain lifeless.

RJG: So, you're saying that Hal is just the front person, and you are pulling the strings from behind the scenes?

HS: No, I'm saying that Hal is an actual puppet. My father always felt I needed a brother so he had Hal made out of a tree that had fallen in our backyard. Then we thought it would be funny if we said he was running things. People didn't notice. He's at press conferences with a ventriloquist answering all the questions. Its hilarious.

RJG: Okay, so what are your thoughts on this season?

HS: Things are going well. We're finally seeing returns on all that money we've been pumping into the team. Over the last 5 years, we've spent over a billion dollars on payroll. A billion dollars! And what do we have to show for it? No championships, a couple division titles, a wild card, we never even made it out of the first round of the playoffs.

RJG: If you could go back in time, what decisions would you want to change?

HS: A billion dollars could have been used more wisely in that time.

RJG: Right, what would you do if you could go back and respend the billion dollars?

HS: First, I would find a country to buy. Then I'd find a country to invade.

RJG: No, I mean, how would you have spent that money on the Yankees.

HS: I wouldn't. Are you kidding me? A billion dollars is a (Expletive) ridiculous amount of money to spend on a baseball team. Do you know what you could do with a billion dollars? You could heal the world. Make it a better place. For you and for me and the entire human race.

RJG: Is that Michael Jackson?

HS: No, Madonna.

RJG: I'm pretty sure its Michael Ja...

HS: (Expletive)!

(awkward silence)

RJG: Okay, why don't we move on to...

HS: You!

RJG: Okay...

HS: (Expletive) You!

RJG: I got it.

HS: Alright.

RJG: So moving on, do you feel Girardi's doing a good job?

HS: Who?

RJG: The manager?

HS: (Blank Stare)

RJG: Okay never mind. Thank you for answering our questions Mr. Steinbrenner.

HS: Any time.

So there you have it. Hank Steinbrenner feels the Yankees have over spent over the last 5 years.