Yanks Lose Series

The Good

Pettitte is still a better pitcher than you. The Yankees still have Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera, which is pretty awesome. Also, the sun's gravitational pull is still securing the earth in a 365.25 day revolutionary cycle. So all's good.

The Bad

We just lost a series to Toronto, whose players enjoy free national health care. Our players, on the other hand, are old, and spend hours a day arguing with their insurers about coverage limits and out of network doctors (Galea anyone?). As such, they are emotionally and physically exhausted by game time and are thus at a competitive disadvantage against Canadian teams.

The Ugly

After the second game, Joe Girardi was asked whether Teixeira's struggles had prompted him to consider moving Teixeira out of the three-hole. Girardi's response was rather interesting.

"The thing about that is, in school they used to serve French bread pizza. It was pizza, but on a baguette. It was delicious. They don't serve that at the stadium. We gotta have our pizza on a regular dough base, like animals. And not one of those smart, trained animals, who do spy missions for the military. But dumb animals, like the ones who get captured and put in the zoo. Then, I says to him I says, 'what are you lookin' at?' I sure told him!"

The Captain Delivers

Derek Jeter was the only player concerned enough with the children to hit a home run during the last two games. For shame, Yankees, for shame!

Posada 6hr = $12
Granderson 3hr = $6
Cano 11hr = $22
Swisher 9hr = $18
Jeter 6hr = $12
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 8hr = $16
Teixeira 8hr = $16
Thames 2hr = $4
Gardner 3hr = $6
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 2hr = $4
Total = $122