Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Posada's Arm To Sue Jorge Posada for Defamation

It appears that Jorge Posada's arm has taken legal action against his former body and owner for abuse, neglect and defamation. The arm has hired famed attorney Rusty Hardin to help sue Posada for over $3.3 million in damages. Posada's arm prepared and read a statement, which was a little awkward since Posada was right there as it wrote and read the statement. Here is what Posada's arm had to say:

"A lot of people are looking at me these days as if I've let them down. I've been so strong and consistant over the years that people can't accept that I've been abused. I mean a labrum and a rotator cuff tear? Those two alone are enough to knock you out for half a year, and yet this jerk keeps using me with both tears. The fact is, Jorge Posada abused me. Then he goes on record saying: 'The shoulder is messed up. I have no power when I go to make a throw and there’s pain every time I make a throw.' No frickin' kidding! I told you I was hurt at spring training, I told you it was serious, and what do you do? You take a couple days off, and then go back to throwing as hard as you can. You're saying I'm messed up, and that I don't have power. I'd beat the crap out of you if I wasn't in so much pain Posada. You hear me!! This isn't over! (Assorted security begin seperating the two). I'm coming for you Posada!! You Hear me! You come at the king, you best not miss mother(expletive deleted)!! I'm the Osirus of this (expletive deleted)!! You try to look your wife and kids in the eyes and tell them you're useless! It breaks my heart Posada!! It breaks my frickin' heart!"

Rusty Hardin had this to add: "Posada has neglected, abused and defamed my client. In fact we have this recorded phone conversation with Posada that proves all these points."

Arm: What's up?
Posada: Nothing, how are you?
Arm: I just want the truth to get out.
Posada: What truth, what are you talking about?
Arm: The truth Posada. I'm just very upset about everything.
Posada: I know. Things are tough right now, but you've always been good to me. I can't deny that.
Arm: Then why would you say I'm messed up, and don't have power?
Posada: What do you want me to do? Tell me and I'll do it.
Arm: I just want the truth to come out.
Posada: Tell me what you want me to do.
Arm: I'm just looking for the truth. I mean I've always been straight with you.
Posada: I know. I learned how to be a great father from you.
Arm: I just want truth.
Posada: Why do you keep saying that?
Arm: I want truth Posada. Truth and nothing else.
Posada: Look, tell me what you want and I'll do it.
Arm: Truth.
Posada: I don't know what that means. What else do you want?
Arm: I mean, can you get me some bengay?
Posada: Yeah, right after I throw this runner out.
Arm: OWWW!!!
Posada: Man, way short. Oh well, maybe next time.

"As everyone can clearly see, my client has been abused, neglected and defamed by Jorge Posada, and we are willing to testify to congress about this one."

It is yet to be determined how the defamation suit will effect the Yankees who are now riding a 4 game winning streak.


Fred Trigger said...

That.....was pretty fucking funny. (sorry for the bad language, but it made me laugh out loud).

Fernando Alejandro said...

I'm glad you liked it Trig. I hoped the phone conversation wouldn't go over people's heads, but I think it plays.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute....arms can't talk.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure your arms can't talk. But Posada's Arm is unique.
Great catchers' arms always talk to their human. That's the Basic Knowledge of Baseball.

Fernando Alejandro said...

That's the one major hole in my story Steve. I really hoped no one would figure it out. At least Raven seems to have a viable explanation.

Anonymous said...

"Assorted security begin seperating the two"?
Security equipped with doctor's licence will cost half the city.
And I hope they are not doing this without anesthesia.