Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Brewers Show Up Intoxicated, Leave in Rout

The Good

Garcia only threw something like 76 pitches, but it was enough to get through 6 innings of 2 run ball, and enough to allow the offense to score 11 runs. Mark Teixeira hit his 24th homerun of the season putting him in a tie with Bautista for the league lead. Swisher hit a 3-run shot in the second as he single handedly chased Grienke out of the game.

The Bad

Nyjer Morgan was so drunk on his own home brewed moonshine that he misplayed Grandersons hit into a triple. He then held a much greater appreciation for Mickey Mantle's defensive abilities while under the influence.

The Ugly

Noesi and Wade combined for 3 scoreless innings against the demoralized drunken Brewers, giving us hope that our bullpen isn't as tattered as we thought it was. But it is, so they lied to us. And now we'll never know if we can trust them again.

Gotham City Goatherders

That would be the name of the Yankees if the Dutch had remained in control of New York. Even then, we'd still have 27 world championships, and the Children's Health Fund would still be getting paid per homerun from the RJG only it would be in guilders or euros not in dollars. Now that we've clarified all of that, Mark Teixeira and Nick Swisher hit homeruns last night giving $4 (approximately 7 guilders) to the Children's Health Fund's homerun club.

Mark Teixeira 24hr = $48
Curtis Granderson 21hr = $42
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 13hr = $26
Jorge Posada 8hr = $16
Robinson Cano 13hr = $26
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Brett Gardner 4hr = $8
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 2hr = $4
Ramiro Pena 1hr = $2
Total = $226


Rich Mahogany said...

Gotham City Goatherders. It's like you can see into alternate realities.

Fernando Alejandro said...

And in one of those realities, Rafael Soriano is not on the team.

Rich Mahogany said...

I like that reality!