Friday, May 22, 2009

Yankees Look Like They're Having Fun

It is no secret that the Yankees look like a funner bunch this year. With whipped cream pies being shoved in players faces, wrestling belts being hung from lockers, and kangaroo courts being held, the Yankees are appearing to have fun.

"This is definitely a funner group than we've had in recent years." Said Yankee captain Derek Jeter. "Things had really turned sour for a little while."

Robinson Cano remembers how things were just a few years ago.

"We used to have fun every now and again. Like I remember this one time in 2005, during a game, I smiled. It was the most fun I had had since joining the Yankees that year. I got yelled at by Randy Johnson for doing it, but still, it was fun."

"When I came in here in 2006, I had thought the reports about the business like atmosphere with the Yankees were overblown." Said Yankee left fielder Johnny Damon. "That was until I showed up for opening day and everyone was wearing suits in the clubhouse. Torre then sat us down for a 2 hour meeting led my Lonn Trost. He was telling us about using cover sheets on faxes, strategies for proof reading memo's, and that breaks by the water cooler could last a max of 5 minutes. He also said there was no talking in the dugout unless it was about company memo's, since we were on company time. It really sucked."

"I remember the last time I had fun like this." Said Yankees outfielder Melky Cabrera through his translator Robinson Cano. "I had made this really nice catch, robbing Manny Ramirez of a homerun. Johnny Damon was happy too. It was a great feeling. But then the next day we got sat down by corporate and reminded that we're a business and our unprofessional behavior would not be tolerated."

Many agree that the corporate atmosphere lasted through the 2008 season when Buzzcut Joe and the no candy policy both came into play.

"It sucked." Said Hideki Matsui, through his translator Robinson Cano. "Girardi had us eating prunes and crap like that. I took up drinking herbal tea that year, only by herbal tea I mean sake, and by drinking I mean binging. Made the season go by much quicker. Soon, half the team was joining me for pregame "herbal tea". This year, Girardi's loosened up a bit."

But corporate is not very happy with the diminishing business-like atmosphere.

"I had been advocating that the players wear suits and ties on the field, to really make it look professional. Just imagine, batting helmet fedora's, and Kenneth Cole cleats. We could do a casual Friday, where the players could lose the tie. Let me tell you, there's nothing like a fresh pair of slacks in the morning. Maybe on a holiday we could go really crazy and wear a Hawaiian t-shirt, but not at the game, just in the clubhouse where no one can see us." Explained Yankee finance guru Lonn Trost.

"How are we going to attract bankers and businessmen to the games if the players are smiling and enjoying themselves? There's a saying on Wall Street that goes 'Every time a person smiles, we get one step closer to regulating banks.' Do you know how horrifying that is for these people? And its true. Since I started seeing smiles in the clubhouse they've started saying that credit cards can't double interest rates on customers without 60 days prior notice. They used to be able to do that without any notice at all! Stop smiling Fernando! Stop (expletive deleted) smiling! I'm the Osiris of this (expletive deleted)!!"

But the Yankees continue to win, and with that the fun and smiles continue.

"I hope this never ends." Said outfielder Nick Swisher with a smile on his face. "We'll be smiling our way to a world series championship."


Anonymous said...

Trouble is, Hidakei looks like about six sake's later at the plate most of the time.
Of course, drunken homer bashing is an old Yankees tradition.


Fernando Alejandro said...

Heck yeah! That's a tradition dated all the way back to the Babe.

cheshirecat9 said...

Hideki is the oldest looking 34 year old in the majors.

Fernando Alejandro said...

His knees are like 150 years old.

Jon Roberts said...

Suits in the field! I guess pinstripes are pinstripes.

By the by, you guys crack me up. My wife constantly deal with me reading her your blog while her mouth says "that's funny" and her eyes say "go to hell, I don't care about baseball".

Fernando Alejandro said...

Haha, hopefully you can slowly but surely convince your wife of the greatness that is baseball.

Raven King said...

It seems AJ was having so much fun that he forgot what Doc Halladay taught him about pitching.
Wang was not great last night, but I saw some improvement in him.

Fernando Alejandro said...

It looks like Wang could use another start in the minors, but oddly enough, so does Burnett.