Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Yankees Youth Movement Extends Beyond the Field

For a few years now, the Yankees have struggled to get younger. This youth movement, however, has not been limited to the baseball diamond. First, old man Steinbrenner was unceremoniously rolled away in favor of his younger, more handsome, son Hal. Even Hank was thought too old to be the new boss. Now, it is being reported that the Yankees failed to retain a long time bartender at the stadium because he was too old.

When asked, Lonn Trost gave the following statement, "The guy was old. If you pay $50 for a drink, do you want it served by your grandfather? Would you want your grandfather in your home?"

Told that his statement didn't make any sense, Trost responded by saying, "I'm sorry, did you say something? I couldn't hear you over my money."

We asked Brian Cashman about the Yankees youth movement. "There's no question that our commitment to youth is organization-wide," explained Cashman. "It is no coincidence that Girardi is younger, and more jacked than Joe Torre. I have botox treatments twice monthly just to ensure that Hal doesn't fire me for a younger, more attractive, candidate."

While senescent barkeeps everywhere are less than pleased with the Yankees, some individuals don't see what the big deal is. "Look, sometimes a change is needed," explained seven year old Timmy Johnson, Yankees VP of Operations. "I have to get back to work, guys. We only get a half hour for nap time."


Raven King said...

Let us praise this great Youth Movement!
Let us witness a 29 years old career 54-23 starter sitting in the bullpen doing nothing!
Let us pray this above mentioned back to back 19 wins pitcher can automatically turn back into his old self even if he never gets the opportunity to face major league hitters!

Raven King said...

BTW, Carl the Ace now has one more win than our Cristal Champagne.
Here's another Thank You note form Tribe for you, Bronny Cash.

Fernando Alejandro said...

That last injury really affected him. Its a shame that Wang is struggling this much to get back to his former self.