Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Two in a Row for the Yanks

The Good

The Yankees have now won two straight games. Sabathia is still pitching amazing, kind of like me. In last night's game, everyone on the 40 man hit a home run against the once-upon-a-time future of pitching, Clay Buchholz. Buckle he did. That's his new nickname. Buckles. It's funny because it sounds like his last name anyway. That's how comedy works

The Bad Playing Boston is kind of depressing. I mean, they're our rival and all, and I want to beat them, but right now, it's sort of like beating up a toddler. Who's in the hospital. Dying of West Nile virus. That's not cool. It's still fun but it's not cool.

The Ugly

Phil Hughes did not pitch well. Had the Toronto hitters made their way into his fragile head, made soft by what I can only assume is a plentiful diet of Captain Crunch, as recommended by his nutritionist CC Sabathia? No. Hughes had lost his ability to concentrate, distraught by thoughts he was thinking that were making him think.

"This NFL referee situation is really messing with my head," explained a significantly fatter Hughes. "I mean, the league basically didn't want to pay $3 million out of $9 billion for a pension, and demanded the right to fire under performing officials who were ruining the game. I mean, we all know how awful the regular officials are, right? Right? But now we've seen what actually under performing officiating looks like, and it's nothing like the regular officials. It went from occasional missed calls to only missed calls. The richest league in the world couldn't cough up .04% of their revenue for these officials? Couldn't stop scapegoating them and claiming they were under performing and ruining games? What did they end up with? A bunch of refs who actually were under performing and ruining games."

"Yeah, the owners are d#%ks, what's the point?" asked one exasperated reporter who was late for his kid's thing that he wasn't supposed to miss for some reason.

"Well, doesn't anyone else think that the league's position on officials sounds an awful lot like the national discourse on our supposedly horrible school teachers? What if teacher's unions aren't the problem and we actually underpay and under appreciate teachers who, though they may not be perfect, do a very difficult job with an impressive measure of competence, just like the regular refs?"

Was this a pro-union sentiment coming from Phil Hughes?

"No, of course not. I'm just saying I'm glad to see the regular refs back."

Phil Hughes then broke down and wept. Our colleague missed his kid's thing. He hates Phil Hughes.

Home Runs Count

The Yankees continue to hit home runs at an RJG budget-busting pace. Since our last update, Chavez (2), Cano (also 2), Granderson (also 2), Martin (really?), and Teixeira have all hit home runs. That's $18 more for the kids, and the taxpayers who will eventually have to bail us out.

Raul Ibanez 18hr = $36
Nick Swisher 24hr = $48
Andruw Jones 14hr = $28
Derek Jeter 15hr = $30
Curtis Granderson 41hr = $82
Alex Rodriguez 18hr = $36
Robinson Cano 31hr = $62
Mark Teixeira 24hr = $48
Eric Chavez 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 21hr = $36
Jayson Nix 5hr = $10
Dewayne Wise 3hr = $6
Chris Stewart 1hr = $2
Ichiro Suzuki 5hr = $10
Casey McGehee 1hr = $2
Steve Pearce 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1 hr = $2

Total 239 hr = $478

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