RJG: Thanks for sitting down with us Joe.
JG: No problem. I've always admired the work you guys do. You are hands down the only thing worth reading on the internet, and possibly even ever, so thank you.
RJG: We appreciate that. After all, we do it for the kids. But let's get down to business.
RJG: Have you been going on about the need for replay as a way of shielding your players' performances from attention?
JG: That is a good question.
RJG: Thank you.
JG: My response requires some background. First, are you familiar with these secret agent movies, ones like the Bourne trilogy, and Liam Neeson's recent 'Unknown'.
RJG: Yes, we are well acquainted with these ouvres. But, what does that have to do with our question?
JG: Stay with me.
JG: So in all these movies the secret agent is a callous amoral killer who loses his memory only to regain it at some later point and juncture.
JG: So how come when they regain their memory, they don't regain their callous amoral killer personality?
RJG: You're blowing my mind right now.
JG: I mean, if you're the sort of person who has no problem killing for a living, why would you, on the moment you get yourself back, suddenly have a moral conscience? Wouldn't you be like, 'Oh, that's right! I don't give a $#!% about killing people! I'll stop being a p@$$y now.'
RJG: You're so f#%&ing right! These movies don't make any sense at all!
JG: So you see, these movies really don't make any sense.
RJG: This has been an amazing interview! Life changing really! Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us!
JG: No problem guys, thanks for having me.
By the time we realized that Girardi had completely bamboozled us with his brilliant film criticism, it was too late. We'd completely forgotten to point out to him how awful his team was and the order in which his players are pieces of $#!%. We spent a lot of time on that list! That brilliant, evil genius bastard!
The problem is that Girardi isn't using these movie references as cover. He is simply obsessed with movies and can't stop talking about them. And since he raises good points, his players are now thinking about movies instead of focusing on baseball. His biggest mistake was preceding the playoffs with a roundtable discussion of the films of Christopher Nolan.
Now, Granderson can't concentrate because he realized that the guy in Memento killed his wife, ARod is pondering how Inception is a metaphor for filmmaking as fastballs shoot past him, and Cano is struggling because he's no longer sure that Batman survived.
That would explain Cano's sudden inability to hit at even a little-league level.
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