Monday, November 15, 2010

The Epic

It's been a long time coming. Bronny hasn't heard from us in some time, and he has failed to immediately sign Cliftopher Lee to a long term deal. The time has come to confront our lolligagging GM and light a fire under his arse. The following is a transcript of our phone call. You may want to ask the kids to leave the room for this one.

BC: Hello.

Operator: You have a collect call from one Cliftopher Lee. Will you accept the charges?

BC: Of course! Put him through, post haste!

[Operator connects call]

BC: Hello? Cliff?

RJG: You #%*&@#% bastard!

BC: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. How did you get this number?!

RJG: Why haven't you signed Cliff Lee?!

BC: I don't owe you an explanation!

RJG: Yes you do! You owe all of us an explanation! We pay good money to go to your stadium and sit so far away from the action we're better off standing in the concourse and watching the game on one of the TVs in the concession stand! You not only owe me an explanation, you owe me Cliff Lee!

BC: You're right. How could I have been so blind!

RJG: Why haven't you signed Cliff Lee?!

BC: Look, these things take time. It's a slow dance. You have to schmooze. You know, like fly to Arkansas and pretend you're happy to be there. Say things like, "So, did you shoot that deer yourself or did you just buy a pre-stuffed one?" Stuff like that.

RJG: No Bronny! No! It's not a slow dance. It's a grind dance. You go out there and you dance like an 18 year old girl who just got away from her overbearing parents and is rebelling/making up for lost time. You grind on Cliff Lee. Bring back the butterfly if you have to. It doesn't take time. It takes money. Just grind and give him money!

BC: I think if I'm grinding he should give me money. Zing!

RJG: Good one, Bronny. Now go use that New York wit to land our next marquee free agent. And it better be Cliftopher Lee!

BC: Yeah, about that. I don't think his name is Cliftopher.

RJG: Well la di da. Listen to Mr. High Falutin' over here, with his intimate knowledge of players' first names. Here's an idea, why don't you go #%$@ yourself, and sign Cliff Lee already.

BC: Why do all your words have to hurt so much?

RJG: Why haven't you signed Cliff Lee?!


There you have it, folks. As Cashman prepares for the GM meetings, his number one priority is signing Cliff Lee.


Rasheeda Cooper said...

Hilarious. Way to go on this one, guys...that's the best laugh I've had in days. Keep it going!

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Thanks, Rasheeda. We'll do our best to keep you all entertained during Bronny's apparent vacation.

Anonymous said...

Vacation? He better start dancing!