Sunday, October 11, 2009

Breaking News: Twins Forfeit

A press conference has been announced for 1pm in Minnesota, where Twins insiders are saying Manager Ron Gardenhire will announce that, recognizing the obvious superiority of the New York Yankees, the Twins will forfeit tonight's game, leaving the series to the Yankees.

"There's no reason to put the guys through another pointless exercise in futility. We can't beat these guys," said one Twins executive on condition of anonymity.

The Twins best chance to win a game against the Yankees came in game two of the ALDS in the ninth inning. But Joe Nathan, remembering that he was a Twin, gave up a game tying home run to Alex Rodriguez. Then, in the eleventh, Teixeira hit a ball that he thought was a double. "It had a lot of top spin. It was spinning on top, so I thought it was a double." But third base umpire Phil Cuzzi, saw it differently.

"It definitely went over the fence, at least the second deck. Besides it was damn near 4am in the UK and we needed to wrap this game up," Cuzzi explained.

With everything seemingly going against them, the Twins have decided that taking the coward's way out is all they can do. "[Carlos] Gomez hasn't stopped crying since the end of game two. 'Why can't I run the bases like Jeter,' he keeps saying. This is for the mental good of the team," explained another anonymous Twins executive.

The Yankees now await the inevitable defeat of the Red Sox by the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles California, USA, Earth, Milky Way.

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