Seeing Joba Chamberlain pitch this season has been an adventure, and not in the good "Indiana Jones" style of adventure, but more like the Brendan Fraser "Journey to the Center of the Earth" kind of adventure. In fact, in comparison to his 2008 season, his performance this season has been abysmal, a step back, a falling off the proverbial wagon. So what happened? The Respect Jeter's Gangster investigative reporting team set off to find answers.
"The truth is, its hard to pitch at the major league level." Explained a somber Joba Chamberlain, in an exclusive interview with the RJG. "Pitchers are always looking for ways to find an edge. Switch up. If not, the league catches up to you, and you get knocked around. I turned to the one and only edge not banned by baseball, and endorsed by every baseball star throughout history. I turned to the bottle."
Drinking has been as much apart of baseball as homeruns, and many greats from Babe Ruth to Mickey Mantle and on have been known for their heroic exploits coupled with alcohol. Joba explained his approach.
"Before starts, every pitcher has a routine. Before a start, I would buy some beers and drink 2 or 3 cold ones, before I pitched."
Did he feel a little tipsy while pitching?
"I honestly can't remember. I blacked out."
After 3 beers?
"They were 40's"
Apparently, the consumption of alcohol had been inhibiting Joba's ability to pitch, causing high walk totals, and an inability to pitch out of the first inning.
"It was a rookie mistake." Explained former major league pitcher David Wells. "You're not supposed to pitch drunk, you're supposed to pitch hung over. You do the drinking the night before."
Will the latest peice of advice put Joba over the top for the post season?
"It also depends on what you drink. Beers give you better control, whiskeys will give you power, scotch will give you smarts, rum will give breaking balls more break, so it really depends. You should have seen the night I had before my perfect game." Said Wells.
Hopefully Joba takes note.