Friday, October 2, 2009

Joba's Pitching Problems Solved

Seeing Joba Chamberlain pitch this season has been an adventure, and not in the good "Indiana Jones" style of adventure, but more like the Brendan Fraser "Journey to the Center of the Earth" kind of adventure. In fact, in comparison to his 2008 season, his performance this season has been abysmal, a step back, a falling off the proverbial wagon. So what happened? The Respect Jeter's Gangster investigative reporting team set off to find answers.

"The truth is, its hard to pitch at the major league level." Explained a somber Joba Chamberlain, in an exclusive interview with the RJG. "Pitchers are always looking for ways to find an edge. Switch up. If not, the league catches up to you, and you get knocked around. I turned to the one and only edge not banned by baseball, and endorsed by every baseball star throughout history. I turned to the bottle."

Drinking has been as much apart of baseball as homeruns, and many greats from Babe Ruth to Mickey Mantle and on have been known for their heroic exploits coupled with alcohol. Joba explained his approach.

"Before starts, every pitcher has a routine. Before a start, I would buy some beers and drink 2 or 3 cold ones, before I pitched."

Did he feel a little tipsy while pitching?

"I honestly can't remember. I blacked out."

After 3 beers?

"They were 40's"

Oh dear.

Apparently, the consumption of alcohol had been inhibiting Joba's ability to pitch, causing high walk totals, and an inability to pitch out of the first inning.

"It was a rookie mistake." Explained former major league pitcher David Wells. "You're not supposed to pitch drunk, you're supposed to pitch hung over. You do the drinking the night before."

Will the latest peice of advice put Joba over the top for the post season?

"It also depends on what you drink. Beers give you better control, whiskeys will give you power, scotch will give you smarts, rum will give breaking balls more break, so it really depends. You should have seen the night I had before my perfect game." Said Wells.

Hopefully Joba takes note.


Steve said...

The fans made Girardi's decision easier the other night when they booed Joba off the field. Remember how untuchable he was when he first came up. The fans adored him, he could do no wrong. Now after an unimpressable season the New York fan base have seen enough.Time to put up or shuffle off to Buffalo, the Mets could use the help.

Anonymous said...

Little early for that, I think.
Gota remember he's had -what? 40 Major League starts? He hardly spent any time in the minors learning how to do it. He could still wind up fulfilling every bit of the potential he showed.
The problem, of course, is this year. Whether he starts or relieves in the playoffs, Joe's gonna have to have a quick hook.

(And put a lock on the ber cooler.)

Fernando Alejandro said...

That could cause problems with the other starters Joe.

I also think its still too early to give up on Joba. He's having an awful year, and he's been fairly thick headed about it. He still has the stuff to be a good major league pitcher, but for the coming playoffs, forget it. One inning or two at the most.

Steve, you're right about how untouchable he was back then. You gotta wonder if he can go right back to that if he pitches out of the bullpen. If he can, then having a dominant Joba and Phil Hughes handing the ball to Mariano is going to be a major boost. But 3.1 innings of 4 run ball out of the 4th starter in the playoffs is just not going to do it.

Raven King said...

The biggest question now is:
What kind of drinks can make Joba pitch like Roy Halladay?

And maybe what Joba really needs is a better pitching coach.

Unknown said...

I think PC Richards and Sons are paying Joba off to pitch bad. If they don't have to pay the Yankees to play the stupid whistle after every strikeout that money stays with PC. PC is secretly paying Joba to walk and let the batters get all the hits.

Fernando Alejandro said...

That could explain it David. He's not making free agent money yet, and has to make ends meet somehow.