Friday, October 9, 2009

Pregame Preview

Spoiler alert. The RJG already knows what's going to happen in tonights game. If you don't want to know how it goes, do not read the following highlights:

-Burnett sucks, but is relieved by a revitalized Chien Ming Wang, who throws a perfect 6 innings with a knuckleball he's been working on while on the DL. Wang gets the win.
-A-Rod hits two homeruns, but is thrown out of the game for trying to high five Nick Blackburn after the second one.
-Jeter gets a couple hits in, but not base hits as you would expect, but facial hits on Joe Mauer during the fray that results from the previous occurence.
-Mariano Rivera pitches a perfect 9th, but is too perfect. Just 3 pitches to finish the inning. Gardenhire kicks over the water cooler and yells at Joe Nathan saying "Why can't you do that?!!". Nathan is shown in the dugout with a lone tear trickling down his cheek.
-Joba Chamberlain does 104 mph! Only it was in his car on the way to the game. He's held in jail for the day and does not pitch.
-Joe Girardi attacks a reporter and 2 witnesses on his way to the stadium after a photographer snaps a shot of him eating a donut. With cream filling. "I want to apologize to the people I attacked." Reads his statement. "But they deserved it, and I'm not sorry at all. (Bleep) them!" Howard Rubenstein's edits the second line of the statement to say "They did not deserve it, and I'm sorry. Bless them!". That Howard is magic.
-The Yankees win.

So there you have tonights game in a nut shell. Go Yankees!


Sam said...

this is the first RJG article to ever make me laugh out loud. i just woke up my girlfriend and it's 1 in the morning. way to go, guys. also, my verification word for leaving this comment is "boney st". boy, i'd sure like to live there. (slow clap)

Fernando Alejandro said...

Hahahaha, I'm convinced the people at Google made those word verifications have subtle messages on purpose. Sorry about your girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

Mariano Rivera actually DOES have a three-pitch inning in the playoffs from 2001. I think it was the ALCS game where Bernie hit a walk-off against Seattle's closer and Mariano got the win. The guy is ridonkulous.