Friday, December 26, 2008

Bronny Cash, Stealth Negotiator

At the behest of one of our loyal readers, we decided to call up one Bronny Cash and discuss the rest of the Yankees' offseason plans over satellite video phone. Here is the transcript:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Yes, may I speak to Brian please?

BC: Speaking.

RJG: Broooooooooooooooooooooonny Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash!

BC: Son of a [fined by the FCC]!

RJG: What's up Bronny? Great job with the CC, AJ, and Teix signings. We're all very impressed.

BC: Thank you.

RJG: Our readers want to know, were you wearing a ninja costume while negotiating the Teix deal?

BC: I'm wearing a ninja costume right now.

RJG: Oh [banned in China]! So are you going to trade Matsui and Nady and then sign Manny?

BC: I don't think it's reasonable to expect us to sign CC, AJ, Teix, and Manny.

RJG: Yeah, but you said it wasn't reasonable to expect you to sign CC and Teix. You signed them both plus AJ Burnett.

BC: You callin' me a liar?

RJG: No, I'm calling you dishonest.

BC: How dare you sir?!

RJG: Seriously dude, can you just sign Manny already? It's not that hard. Call him up, say, "Manny, we'll give you three years at $25M per." He'll sign on the spot.

BC: Negotiations are usually more complicated than that.

RJG: You're being dishonest again.

BC: I said good day!

RJG: No you didn't! Are you signing him or not?

BC: Uh, you're breaking up, kshhh, I'm going through a tunnel, I think I'm losing you, kshhh.

RJG: Bronny, you bastard. You're on satellite video phone. I can see your fireplace in the background! Don't hang up on me Bronny! Don't hang up on me!

BC: Kshhhh, you're breaking up. Oh no I lost you. [Click]

There you have it folks. Bronny Cash wears a ninja costume around the house.


Anonymous said...

sweet!! I loves it. imagine a little kid in a costume shop getting ready for halloween. he picks out a deckd out ninja suit and the mom says "so you wanna be a ninja for halloween?" and the kid says "no I wanna be Bronny Cash"..newest craze, i am telling you. investments galore, no more recession! keeping my fingers crossed!

Anonymous said...


Raven King said...

"How dare you sir?!" and " I said good day!" are quite British.
Don't let Bronny Cash fool you, my friend. I believe he actually wears a 007bikiniaround his

Anonymous said...

Will you be calling Cashman back to say Happy New Year? He might be in a better mood then.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

we may give him a ring. maybe we'll wait til after the Teixeira press conference.

Anonymous said...

does anybody know when the press confrence is? I am still beating myself up cause i missed the doubelmint twins press conf. and I am determined not to miss sexy texy =)

Raven King said...

"The Yanks have some surplus set-up relief to spice up a trade and I do not think it is inconceivable that they could try to do a huge trade that would include Wang, who is two years from free agency."

Do you think Joel Sherman was drunk or just joking?

Anonymous said...

I think he was drunk, Raven King. The "trading Wang" part makes me think he was doing shots of tequila.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

alcohol is a possible culprit, crack seems more likely. Sweeney Murti did have an interesting suggestion on his blog though: Nady and Kennedy to San Fran for Aaron Rowand.

Anonymous said...

if all the red sox can do with their offseason to counter the yanks is sign josh bard and penny. im pretty happy

Raven King said...

Trade Nady and make Swisher as our starting RF?
Nady and Kennedy to San Fran for Aaron Rowand?
Oh God, we need to bring back Abreu.

Fernando Alejandro said...

I wouldn't mind that Rowand deal, only I think we should hold on to Kennedy. Rowand's a gutsy player, and for a chance to be off the Giants, I think he would single handedly carry the Yankees to the post season. The only drawback is he strikes out like Mike Cameron only with half the homeruns, and none of the stolen bases to show for it.

Raven King said...

Rowand's BA/OBP/SLG:
.310 .374 .544

Bobby's BA/OBP/SLG:
.335 .446 .554

Abreu is better than Rowand, who happens to be Johnny Drama's twin brother.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Abreu's the better hitter for sure, but not the better defender, and we definetely wouldn't want Abreu in center. Rowand gives us a decent hitting centerfielder, who plays hard. I can live with that.