Monday, November 23, 2009

Mauer the Likely Winner, but Once Murdered a Moose

Joe Mauer is the likely MVP this season. Its hard to argue against his .365 average with 28 homeruns and 96 RBI's, but his numbers are just apart of the story. Mauer's performance this season led the Twins right into the playoffs, and that makes him pretty valuable. However, recent reports have revealed that the likely MVP once murdered a moose. In cold blood.

"Sometimes, a moose will get on your property and for the sake of your family and children, you have to kill them, but that's not how it was with Mauer." Described one eye witness on condition of anonymity. "Mauer went into the wild, found a moose, and killed it. It had no chance to defend itself. I'm no animal lover, but even that bothered me."

How did he kill the moose?

"On the way there, Mauer found a rattlesnake, he caught it alive, and when he found the moose, he strangled it with the snake. I kid you not. There he was strangling a moose with a rattlesnake yelling 'I'm the MVP moose! Not you! Me!'. I've never been so traumatized."

Asked why Mauer killed the moose, the eye witness explained.

"Mauer sometimes gets a taste for blood. He quells it by killing animals, but sometimes its just not enough. Sometimes he has to kill humans. That's when it gets really bad, and no one can stop him."

Who knew?


Quinn said...

uht ohs.. no one should ever hit joe mauer with a pitch

Fernando Alejandro said...

Its why they voted for him as MVP. They fear the man.

Quinn said...

but why hit jeter.. i mean thats like hitting the most dangerous man in the room. personally jeter gets my vote.. but im not biased or anything.. hope the rjg family has a good holiday. i hope to see some funny post over thanksgiving holiday... probably during the lions game.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Yeah, I'm looking forward to thanksgiving! We'll try to get something up for that day. Here's hoping news actually picks up after the holiday. It is as quiet as can be.