Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Mike Scioscia Loses His Mind

The LoHud Blog (formerly the Pete Abe Blog) is reporting that Mike Scioscia was quoted as saying "I don’t care if the Yankees go out and spend $350 million next year, we’re going to beat them because we have the team." We here at RJG thought that was curious, since the Angels weren't able to beat the slightly over $200 million Yankees and never even threatened to control the series, so we didn't see how they had 'the team' to beat a $350 million edition. We decided to follow up.

"I'm not talking about the Angels," Scioscia barked. "I'm talking about The Team. We've assembled a cadre of super-humans capable of toasting the Yankees, no matter how much they spend. Bwahaha!"

Scioscia continued his mad rant. "We have Superman, Batman, Spiderman, all the movie superheroes. Ninjas, trained fighting kangaroos, Alps crossing elephants. How will the Yankees compete with that?"

Told that the Yankees generally played baseball in Major League parks and not in that deranged fantasy world he calls his 'happy place,' Scioscia became angry. "Can Sabathia strike out Superman?!"

Scioscia held up a picture of Superman he had apparently drawn himself. It didn't really look like Superman, but he had written 'Superman' under it with an arrow pointing towards his scribbling. At the top of the page were printed, in large block letters, the word 'Topps.' Was this Superman's baseball card we asked? "Yes. It's official, from Upper Deck. Just look at the back!"

Under 'Lifetime Stats' was written, "Never struck out by CC Sabathia. Capable of beating the Yankees any day any how." It was written in Crayon, Crayola it is widely believed.

"How can the Yankees compete with that?"

At this point, we all wanted the media-interview time to end. We looked helplessly at Jason Zillo, but he had no control over Scioscia and was just there to pick up some below industry-standard grade paper. Mercifully, somebody in the press corp yelled, "Look over there!" and pointed in an ambiguous direction. Scioscia didn't budge, we all ran away anyway.


Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Wow, he was probably referring to the fact that the Angels may trade for Paul Konerko. Then they WOULD be unstoppable!

Candid Engineer said...

"Can Sabathia strike out Superman?!"

LOLZ. You crack my shit up. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the insider tip. Think I'll head down to the Nevada line tomorrow.


JeterIsGod said...

This story and its ranting is ludicrous...keep it up guys! :)

Jon Roberts said...

I guess that makes it so much more important for Cashman to re-sign Godzilla.