Well You Two Were Productive

The silver slugger awards were handed out last night, and two Yankees were given the honor: Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira. These were the same two Yankees who were awarded gold gloves. Upon receiving his silver slugger, Jeter once again had it melted and the proceeds given to orphans. Teixeira initially complained that the bat was too heavy to use in game but then settled that he could use it for practice swings when he's on deck before an at bat. Other silver slugger recipients explained how they would use their awards. Ichiro decided that he would have all his awards melted and molded into a giant statue in his image, which he would then control by remote to try and take over Seattle. Longoria decided that he would use his silver slugger to bring peace to war ravaged countries. When asked how he intended to do that, he said he would beat people to death with his silver slugger until there was peace. Two Blue Jays also were awarded silver sluggers, Aaron Hill and Adam Lind. They were ecstatic until someone reminded them they played for the Blue Jays. They looked so somber that we felt bad for ever suggesting it. We later encouraged them by reminding them that Roy Halladay was still a Blue Jay...for now.

Its Friday, I'm tired.