Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Pettitte Prepares for Big Game

Pettitte has had just 3 days to prepare for a start in which the Yankees could clinch their first World Series championship since 2000. It is speculated that Pettitte won't be as sharp returning after so few days of rest, but I'm not buying it. It is widely accepted in the clubhouse that Pettitte pitches his best games on three days rest. Its just that no one ever gets to see it, because he's typically just throwing a side session.

"I remember the first time I saw Pettitte throwing on three days rest." Explained Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira. "He was hitting triple digits on the radar gun. He broke out pitches I had never seen or experienced before, and he had a glowing aura around him, and everywhere he walked a theme song that sounded like the old superman theme song followed. It was out of this world!"

"No the rumors are true." Said Yankees Closer Mariano Rivera. "I've been in the bullpen everytime he's thrown his side sessions on three days rest. I remember this one time he threw a knuckleball at 90 miles an hour! It almost killed a fan in the stands!"

Mid-season addition Chad Gaudin thought it was all hype until he witnessed his first Pettitte side session.

"Pettitte was all like 'I try to take it easy on my side sessions since its only been three days.' But then he picked up the ball, and I saw the bullpen catcher run to storage and grab a kevlar vest and helmet then he took off his glove and strapped a mattress to his hand. I thought it was a joke, but then the superman theme song started playing, and I couldn't tell where it was coming from, and a light shone on Andy, and I was like 'Where's that coming from?' and then Andy threw a cutter, and our catcher jumped out of the way, and the cutter mowed down a row of concession workers, and I was like 'Oh (expletive deleted)!'

So why haven't the Yankees used Andy on three days rest before?

"We need to look out for his health." Said Howard Rubenstein speaking on behalf of himself. "I run this (expletive deleted)!"


Candid Engineer said...

Dude, I love your sense of humor.

Fernando Alejandro said...

I'm glad someone does!

Quinn said...

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU BRONNY.... ALL ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Jon Roberts said...

Get up and celebrate! Have a Bass if you have to. Breakfast of champions. Woohoo!

Raven King said...

Do we bring back Dandy Andy and Godzilla next season?