Friday, October 10, 2008

Best Trade Idea Ever?

So, there's not much going on right now with the Yankees so it's time that I unveil the best trade idea ever. There have been rumors of a possible trade with the Mets that would acquire us Carlos Beltran and send Cano, Veras and Kennedy to Queens. Its more than likely crazy talk, but even then its not as good as my trade idea. Some would think that getting good players takes good players, but my trade philosophy is that the perception of a good player can get you good players. So here is what the best trade idea ever gets us:

Centerfielder Josh Hamilton
First Baseman Albert Pujols
Starting Pitcher Cliff Lee
Starting Pitcher Edinson Volquez

Plus it sends Roy Halladay and Daniel Cabrera out of the American League East effectively getting rid of the best opposing pitcher in our league, and the pitcher who does the most physical harm to our players.

Sounds too good to be true? Don't think it could ever happen? I have one name for you: Kei Igawa.

Many know Kei Igawa as the bumbling pitcher the Yankees paid millions of yen for only to watch pitch in Scranton. What you don't know is that Kei Igawa is the lynch pin to the best trade idea ever.

Here is how it works: We send Kei Igawa and Ian Kennedy to the Brewers for Manny Parra.

Once we have Parra we turn and trade Parra to the Nationals for offensively inclined Ryan Zimmerman coming off a down year and the oft-troubled Elijah Dukes.

Zimmerman and Dukes than get traded to the Reds for Edinson Volquez to help bolster their offense.

The plan gets a little hairy from there, but it ends with Lee, Pujols and Hamilton on the Yankees, the Kansas City Royals moving to Mexico, Hideki Matsui getting a robotic knee that then becomes self aware and tries to launch missiles at Canada, and Cashman dressing up like the Joker from Batman and intimidating GM's at the winter meetings to give in to his demands. It also includes Derek Jeter calling up Roy Halladay and telling him to leave the American League. The majority of the plan hinders on fear and intimidation, and on Steinbrenner holding the economy hostage threatening to make the Dow plunge daily until GM's run through the streets in fear, and Bud Selig and Donald Fehr give in to Yankee demands to allow us to hand pick players from other teams rosters and not have to give anything in return. Basically we keep everyone we want, and get everyone we want, and don't spend a dime. We also send Papelbon to Pawtucket until he "learns to grow up".

Okay, so I don't really have a trade idea, but neither does anyone else. All trades take something to get something, and that's exactly what fans want to avoid. So, I hope you were all as enlightened as I was writing this post. Happy Friday!


Roberto E. Alejandro said...

I think Derek Jeter should just call up all those players and say, show up to Yankee Camp in the spring. If he does that they'll show up, because they respect and fear his gangster.

Anonymous said...

i agree. i also think that someone should sent paplebon to jabooty forever

Fernando Alejandro said...

That would be pretty awesome if Jeter just called Pujols, Lee, Hamilton and Volquez and told them to report to Legends Field in the Spring. They would report with pitchers and catchers in Yankee uniform at 9AM on the first day.

TribeGirl said...

That all sounds great, but you can't have Lee. Welllllll........unless you give us A-Rod, which works out perfectly since he gets booed so much!!! :o) Sounds like a plan to me!

Fred Trigger said...

As I was first reading this, somehow I knew, that these awesome trades were going to revolve around Kei Igawa. At this point, I think you could sell another team more on his sweet sunglasses, then on Igawa himself.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

those glasses are pretty sweet. I think it's the reason they bid on him in the first place.

Anonymous said...

I want Roy Halladay.

Anonymous said...

I want Roy Halliday, Josh Hamilton, Mark Teixeira and...let's see....a new car. (But not one of Jeter's ugly Chevvys.)

Anonymous said...

Oops. Jeter sells Fords. My bad.

Anonymous said...

I think your deal would make it as far as Dukes and Zimmerman for Volquez.