Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dodgers Out, Rays Look To End Communism

Well, it appears the lack of pitching depth and general lack of talent finally did the Dodgers in. It was a good ride, and they even put up some fine moments against the Phillies, but no one saw them going this far so I suppose you could call this season a success. I mean, who would have really thought they'd beat the Cubs? Anyway, the Rays are looking to put an end to Red Sox nation tonight and are sending Scott Kazmir against Daisuke Matsuzaka who carried a no-hitter through the 5th inning against them in game 1. Kazmir has not pitched too well this post season. The hope is that he reclaims some of the magic he's exhibited in Fenway Park.

My predictions for tonight are a well played game where Scott Kazmir single handedly dominates Boston for 8 innings and then jumps into the batters box as a pinch hitter and hits a grandslam to push the game out of reach for Boston, but when he reaches home he quickly turns and runs towards the Red Sox dugout where he drop kicks an unsuspecting David Ortiz for no reason. Both benches clear, and the umpires struggle to maintain order until the fans at Fenway suddenly decide to make molotovs out of their beers, and start lighting each other on fire. They then rush out of the stadium where half of them stop traffic and flip cars over on Yawkey Way while the other half climbs onto the Mass Pike and start trying to flip cars over there too. Boston PD runs into the scene in riot gear, but then join in the rioting when they find out that theRed Sox are playing. Boston PD and Boston fans alike begin looting until Governor Patrick sends in the National Guard to regain order. After three weeks of rampant destruction, they accomplish just that. By then the Rays have already won the world series against the Phillies, and are vacationing in tropical climates, Kevin Long has fixed A-Rod and Cano's swings, and Cashman has signed Sabathia.

7 comments: said...

I can see the movie version now.

Fred Trigger said... Well, I guess if this really does happen, you heard it here first.

Picturing Scott Kazmir dropkicking David Ortiz makes me chuckle, for some reason.

Fernando Alejandro said...

It makes me chuckle because of how ridiculous it would be. I mean seriously, how would you respond to that if you saw it on TV?

Jane, the movie version would be so amazing, complete with special effects and Samuel L. Jackson as Scott Kazmir. I would love it.

leftcoastyanksfan said...

Let's go Rays.

Samuel L. Jackson as Kazmir, haha.

Roberto Alejandro said...

"I'm @#$*$&$##@ going to drop kick mother #&$%#@@! David Ortiz!" - Samuel L. Jackson as Scott Kazmir

raven said...

Rafael Furcal as Evan Longoria.
James Loney as Carlos Pena.
Krazy Kyle as J.P. Howell.
A-Rod, the Mr. Madonna to be, as Varitek, 0-100 with 50 HBP.

Fernando Alejandro said...

"I want these motherbleeping Red Sox, motherbleeping drop kicked right bleeping now!"

-Samuel L. Jackson as Scott Kazmir