Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Selling Baltimore

Over at the Confessions of a She-Fan blog, friend of the blog, Jane Heller put together a few selling points for potential free agents to consider about New York. Its a good idea since several free agents have expressed hesitation when asked about playing in New York. One big free agent, Mark Teixeira has stated that he wants to play close to Maryland, probably for the Orioles. While Jane went the positive route in trying to sell the greatest city in post-industrial America, I would also like to point out some of the positive qualities of Baltimore to Mark Teixeira.

Mark, Baltimore, Maryland features one of the northeasts nicest ballparks in Camden Yards. This much is true, but the city is so much better than just the ball park.

Do you enjoy taking long walks? Baltimore, Maryland features one of the more livelier street atmospheres in the Northeast.

Feeling tired or ill Mark? No need to worry, Baltimore is known for their proficiency at performing house checks.

Worried about your children's future or your future children? Baltimore is known for its nurturing atmosphere and positive messages for kids.

Now Mark, many people might try to tell you that Baltimore is a dangerous city, but don't buy into it. If you look at this murder rate map of Baltimore, and ignore all the blue arrows that mark where a murder occured, you'll see how many non-murder neighborhoods there are. The non-murder neighborhoods out number the murder neighborhoods by plenty:

Worried about housing costs? Those won't be an issue in Baltimore.

Lastly, if the Rays are any indication of a future trend, then Baltimore is also in a prime place for 2009.

AL East Standings:

Tampa Bay Rays - 97 wins 65 losses

Boston Red Sox - 95 wins 67 losses

New York Yankees - 89 wins 73 losses

Toronto Blue Jays - 86 wins 76 losses

Baltimore Orioles - 68 wins 93 losses

So in conclusion, Baltimore is precisely where you need to go Mark. It fits all your needs, both in baseball and in life. Go Boras clients!

9 comments: said...

Well, you totally outdid me. Very funny. Still, the steak looked pretty damn good on my blog. Thanks for the shoutout. Loved it.

Fernando Alejandro said...

The steak did look pretty good. A little too rare for my taste, but nonetheless juicy. I've been to Mickey Mantle's and Mariano's steak houses! Mo's was much better, but also much pricier.

I don't think I outdid your post! Yours was thought out. All I did was search for HBO's "The Wire" images and had a field day. said...

I think you should do "Los Angeles of Anaheim" next, since Sabathia/Manny/Teixeira/Somebody could end up there. Plenty to make fun of.

Anonymous said...
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Quinn said...

anonymous is a positive person... but in all seriousness Tex should consider NY

Fernando Alejandro said...

Anonymous, if you want to take issue with a post, than write what you don't like about it. Name calling is for 13 year olds who think it sounds cool and tough to throw names around. You could of just as easily said "you can find just as many bad pictures of New York as you can of Baltimore", and you know what? You're right. But resorting to name calling is juvenile and I suspect you're smart enough to express yourself beyond that.

Raven said...

Baltimore lost its charm when the Moose was gone.

Anonymous said...

Fernando, you're absolutely right, but the post was so biased on so many levels I didn't want to take the time to write much. Just a gut reaction. The fact is, not only are pictures like those available from any US city, but a guy with a multi-million dollar contract is going to live in a very upscale suburb and only see the city from his limo ride to the park.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Anonymous, I can appreciate that kind of critique. You're absolutely right, but this website is devoted to the Yankees, so the slant was definitely going to be in their favor. During the season we wrote a whole article about Jason Veritek's off season training regimen, which consisted of him clubbing baby seals with baby panda's. We're not unbiased source for baseball information. I mean, my main source for those pictures was The Wire, which is a great show, but is based in some of the bad areas of Baltimore. But on another note, you have to admit Baltimore is a rough city.

Either way, I appreciate you coming back and posting. I think the Orioles have a ways to go to build their team back up, but they have some promise there. Markakis and Roberts are two excellent pieces to build around. The rotation's a mess though. Is there any promise in the minors there? I'm not too familiar with the Orioles farm system.