Its been more than 3 weeks since we offered Hank Steinbrenner the opportunity, no, the honor, of doing an interview with us, and he has yet to respond. Because of this, I have decided to write Hank Steinbrenner's biography and direct his movie. Its the sequel to Kevin Costner's "Dances With Wolves" called "Dances With Wolves: The Hank Steinbrenner Ultimatum". Check out this excerpt straight from the script we're developing:
Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Cashman, we want John Santana, and we want him now.
Brian Cashman (Brad Pitt): Do you mean Johan Santana?
Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Him too. Get me Carlos Santana while you're at it, I've had enough of doing your job Cashman. You straighten out or I'll straighten you out..... by killing you.
(Intense techno fight music begins, as Costner and Pitt get into their appropriate fighting stances. An excellently choreographed fight scene begins, when suddenly, in comes Damon Oppenheimer the scouting guy)
Damon Oppenheimer (Al Pacino): Hank! Cash! I found the next great prospect. The only problem is, he's stuck in the plains of the great west, and the only way you can get to him is to dance with wolves.
Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): I'm 1/3 wolf, and 2/3 shark. I'm in.
Brian Cashman (Brad Pitt): Damon, how good is this kid?
Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Don't ask questions Brian. See that's your problem. You think I made my money by asking people's opinions on things? I made my money by impulse! And there will be evil to pay if I ever hear you asking questions ever again! I run this house! I'm the Pharaoh of this organization!
Damon Oppenheimer (Al Pacino): Who do you think you're talking to!? Your bell boy!! You wanna go to war!? You wanna go to war!!??!
Hank Steinbrenner (Kevin Costner): Dance party!
(Kanye West's "Stronger" song comes on and Costner, Pacino, and Pitt all dance to it)
As you can see, its bound to be a summer blockbuster. Expect it in theaters summer of 2010.