Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Far From Home

The Yankees will be playing tonight as they continue the Baltimore series and hope to secure a win with Wang's sinker. The Yankees have had a day to recover from a loss and the Orioles a day to celebrate a win. We sent our award winning reporting team down to Baltimore to speak to some Yankee players about the reason for the loss. What they revealed may surprise you.

"To be honest with you, we all feel the void." Began Yankee reliever Brian Bruney who allowed two runs while recording one out in Monday's game. "I never thought I'd miss it, but it just doesn't feel right without it. When you get used to something, you just expect it to be there."

"This is my walk year," Explained Yankee left fielder Johnny Damon. "and I've played for 3 years with it. Now that its gone, I don't know how well I can continue to play."

At first we were not sure what void the Yankee players were referring to, so we pressed the question. The answer was very simple:

"I can't play baseball without the constant media coverage on A-Rod. It doesn't feel like the season has started without it." Explained Bruney. "I never thought I'd say this, but I miss him."

Joba Chamberlain could not agree more.

"At first I thought A-Rod's media attention was annoying, but then it became normal and it made for good baseball. Its hard to let personal things distract you when A-Rod's on your team. I mean, I get attacked by Lake Erie midges, A-Rod's dating Madonna, I get a DUI, A-Rod's on steroids. It all evens out."

What we soon learned is that A-Rod actually uses his big headlines to distract the sports world from issues going on with his teammates. In this, A-Rod proves to be one of the most selfless players to ever live.

"People don't know this, but while A-Rod's been rehabbing he's been visiting after school programs and reading books to underprivileged children daily. But if we lose tonight, you can bet A-Rod will be seen walking out of a night club with Cher." Said a Yankee official under condition of anonymity.

So the Yankees loss can be directly attributed to A-Rod's lack of headlines. We suspected it was his fault some how, but we just now were able to prove it. Either way, the Yankees need A-Rod, and he is far from home.


She-Fan said...

I don't know about Bruney and Joba (that video of him and the cop during his DUI arrest was classic), but I miss A-Rod.

Roberto Alejandro said...

I do too, much less to write about when he's not around.

TribeGirl said...

See, you never appreciate ARod until he's not around! What can I say? I'm always right! Haha.. Don't worry, he'll be back and you'll have your weekly (at least) bashings come May...hopefully! I heart ARod!!!