Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Girardi Field Trip Harms Yankee Offense

With the Yankees losing 4 straight games including a sweep at Fenway park, many are looking for answers. The fact that the Yankees often field three automatic outs at the bottom of their lineup is no excuse for their losing streak and the fans are growing restless. However, our intrepid undercover reporting team uncovered some revealing information that gives great insight into the causes of the recent struggles.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now looking back on it, I can see why it may not have been the best idea."

These words were spoken by Yankee manager Joe Girardi after another one of his team field trips that was meant to build team unity. However this particular field trip, which occured on the off day before the Boston series proved to be rather harmful.

"With all the information we have now, I guess it sounds bad, but I really thought a day trip to a Mexican pig farm would be a lot of fun. We left right after our game with Oakland, and got back before the Boston game. If I knew then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have done it."

With the Yankees playing as horribly as they have been, some can't help but wonder if this trip had anything to do with it.

"I don't know." Said Joe Girardi. "No one's come down with any symptoms. Unless playing bad baseball is a symptom of swine flu, but you'd have to ask a doctor that."

We spoke with Doctor Anderson who recently has been working towards preperations to contain swine flu.

"Yes, swine flu would negatively effect how you play baseball. You probably won't be able to play baseball at all if you have swine flu."

And just like that, the recent Yankee struggles made perfect sense. The Yankees have not been playing baseball, which we confirmed is a symptom of swine flu.

"Really?" Said Yankees GM Brian Cashman. "This could be bad."

But not nearly as bad as the Yankees. The only hope now lies in the one uninfected member: Alex Rodriguez.


Anonymous said...

Infected team members cough on clubhouse mirors. ARod kisses infected mirrors....

Remeber back in Febuary when the bullpen was the only part of the team we didn't have to worry about?

anonymous number two said...

I feel ill, but I suspect it is from four losses in a row, not swine flu or the federal flyover yesterday morning.

Roberto Alejandro said...

yeah, that flyover was really well planned. My wife works at the world financial center (no, she's not in finance, yes, she created credit default swaps) and tells me that people were really panicked since many of those employees were working there on 9/11.

Raven King said...

In fact, the the federal flyover was planned by the White House based on the advice of those Swedish med school students.
The idea was to give New Yorkers a good scare so that they could forget all the pain and sorrow caused by the obstructed and overpriced seats of the new Yankee Stadium and the 4 game losing streak of their widely cursed baseball team.
Phil the Saviour Hughes was so stunned by the federal flyover that he threw six strong innings to got his first win since 2007.
God bless Swedish med school students!

anonymous number two said...

Little known fact: the doc who fixed Al's hip is a swedish medical graduate.

Marisol said...

Hiiii havnt been to the blog in a while...still funny as ever!