Sabathia Rebounds from Shaky First Outing

Finished. That's what most major league scouts decreed after Sabathia's opening day start in which he failed to reach the fifth inning. The Yankees front office desperately searched for trade partners on whom to unload Sabathia, even offering to eat all of his contract, but there were no takers. Dark clouds had begun to hover over poor Cup Cakes Sabathia, named for what is likely his primary dietary supplement. Seriously. He's very fat.

Then, redemption came. On Saturday night, CC Sabathia was everything the Yankees had made him much richer than you or I to be. He was an ace. Having fixed a mechanical flaw in his delivery, CC resurrected a career left for dead, something never before seen on Easter.

"Davey and I worked really hard this week fixing my delivery," explained Sabathia, who prefers to spell his name 'Sabbathia,' with two bs. Sabathia went on, "You see, before when I was throwing, my fastball wasn't over the plate, today it was, fixing that flaw in my delivery really made a difference."

It was a bit unorthodox, but by throwing his fastball over the plate, Sabathia was much more effective than he had been just a few days ago, a lifetime in New York baseball years, and five days on a standard calendar. "It felt good to just get out there and pitch," Sabathia said. "I've proved the doubters wrong, and by pitching two consecutive games and winning one of them, I would have to say I've earned at least 4 years and $40M of my contract." Truer words have never been spoken.