Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Scandalous Joba Video

A video of Joba's DUI arrest, in which he "bashes" New Yorkers, is making its rounds on the internet. Apparently, Joba, while drunk, had the audacity to suggest that New Yorkers are aggressive and rude. As someone who has been living in New York for the past couple years and spends a lot of time with native New Yorkers, let me just tell you how upset we are: we're not. In fact, we're too busy hating New York to be bothered by Joba's comments. New Yorker's aren't going to care that Joba "bashed" New York, New Yorkers practically live to bash New York. Not to mention, Joba's comments weren't even bashing really, more like constructive criticism. Here's what Joba would have to say to get New Yorkers really mad:

"How's New York? It's alright. Not like Boston though, Boston is awesome! They're fans are so polite and knowledgeable, and Fenway is the best place to play in the Major Leagues. I'll tell you man, if only I'd been drafted by the Sox."

"The thing about New Yorker's is, they know nothing about baseball. Ask them about hockey, they'll go all day. But they barely know the difference between 'RBI' and 'ERA.' It's like explaining particle physics to monkeys."

"The best thing about New York is midtown. I love midtown!"

"I like to hang out in the financial district. You know, Wall Street. A few years ago I created credit default swaps. Then I told my friend Bernie that, rather than investing money, he could just create the illusion of wealth and consistent growth for his investors by getting other investors to keep giving him money, and paying the first investors with the money from the other investors. It's a perfect plan, and a victimless crime."

"What's it like to play for the Yankees? It's alright, but what I really want to do is go to Swedish Med School."


anonymous number two (ant) said...

Joba needs to be an actual convicted gangster to get into Swedish Medical School.

TribeGirl said...

Seriously, Joba is one of those "aww shucks" kinda guys who could really never piss anyone off. Now if this was ARod getting a DUI and saying the same thing.....need I say anything more?

Roberto Alejandro said...

yeah, but A-Rod would've said it slightly differently: "The best thing about playing in Yankee stadium is when Yogi comes by, and for a few minutes Jeter isn't the center of attention. Then I go home and can think of other players I wish were our shortstop. Like Jose Reyes, or Cal Ripken Jr., or me. I should be the shortstop. Selena Roberts!"

Raven King said...

Hoe could you forget Alex's trademark "I was young, I was naive, I was sooooo innocent"?