Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Instant Replay Could Change Everything for Yankees

It appears that instant replays will begin in baseball starting this Thursday. That's big news for the Yankees whose season has been ravaged by blown calls. Right now the Yankees stand to score their fewest amount of runs since some year in the 90's where "Skinny Arms" McGee batted clean up. To project the impact of instant replay in baseball, our "Respect Jeter's Gangster" team of investigator's viewed hundred's of hours of footage from Yankee games this season, to see what officials may have missed. In this "Respect Jeter's Gangster" exclusive, our investigators have uncovered what may be the most shocking evidence in a masterminded conspiracy against the Yankees. Take a look at what our investigators uncovered about our players.

A-Rod - After adding up all the blown calls on A-Rod it appears that he actually bats .400 with 17 walk off homeruns, 15 of which were called strikeouts by the umps. He's also stolen 5 more bases than he's been given, 3 of which were called balks against him, and the pitcher was given an automatic out. Crazy.

Jeter - After adjusting for Jeter's blown calls, it appears that Jeter's first half slump was actually an amazing 75 game hitting streak. One of these blown hits show Jeter dropping a clean single into right, run to first, stop on the bag, and while standing at first, the right fielder throws in the ball to the first baseman, the first baseman steps on the bag and he's called out. They also missed Jeter collecting 27 phone numbers from female fans while standing at first.

Ian Kennedy - This one I kind of feel bad about. Out of the 5 homeruns he gave up this season, 4 of them were outs. In one of the video's we watched, Kennedy had two outs in the first with 2 men on and the next guy hit a fly ball to Matsui. Matsui caught it and started to run to the dugout when he saw the umps signaling a homerun. Then when Matsui showed the umps the caught ball, they took offense at him and took an out off the board. It just wasn't fair baseball.

Melky Cabrera - I think of all the players that the lack of instant replay has hurt, none were hurt more than Melky Cabrera. Although he is now in the minors due to a weak bat, video footage our investigators uncovered actually show Melky as a 40-40 player. 23 of his homeruns were ruled foul balls. A couple of times, Melky hit a homerun, ran the bases, and upon reaching home was handed his bat by the ump and told he had 2 strikes. Also, about 19 steals weren't attributed to him even though he legitimately stole the base. The announcers wouldn't even acknowledge that he was standing on second, and the video score board still showed him at first. Really odd.

Bobby Abreu - Abreu won't be affected too much by instant replay as instant replay doesn't cover defensive plays, but in a shocking discovery, Abreu is actually a gold glove caliber outfielder. Unedited video's show Abreu diving, tumbling, running into walls, climbing up foul poles, the whole show. On several of these plays, the camera shows Abreu running after a ball, and then the image switches to stock footage of Abreu playing Chutes & Ladders. Abreu makes this amazing play, and after he's thrown in the ball it switches back to Abreu in real time, just standing there. I've probably seen it a dozen times, and every time I think Abreu's not hustling, but it would appear we've been misled.

All in all, the Yankees have scored over 1,000 runs already, but have had 400 or so of those taken away by a lack of instant replay. The Yankees should actually have 118 wins already this season. That being said, the addition of instant replay will likely give the Yankees the boost they need to win games down the stretch.


Bucky7588 said...

if only it were true...

and no amount of replay, instant or otherwise, would show Abreu hustling...not even speeded up replay

Quinn said...

i heard they caught abreu running into a wall...

raven said...

Not even instant replays can save the Yanks when the home plate umpire is blinder than a bat.