No opening day would be complete without a senseless prediction. So here's how the game will go.
1st Inning: Chien Ming Wang loads the bases before getting three consecutive strike outs to end the inning. "Don't (expletive deleted) with me!" He yells at Frank Thomas as he comes off the mound.
Derek Jeter hits an opposite field double, but takes third because he feels like it. Aaron Rowand complains, but Jeter yells "Ha!" behind him and confuses the crap out of him. Gibbons pulls Rowand out of the game. A-Rod applauds his efforts.
2nd Inning: Wang plunks the first batter, but then gets a double play with the next pitch. The next batter hits a line drive back at Wang which he catches bare handed and doesn't even blink. He then crushes the ball in his hand while staring down Greg Zaun in the on deck circle. Zaun starts shaking uncontrollably.
Giambi hits a homerun putting the Yankees ahead 1 - 0. Matsui hits a single. When he reaches first, he pulls out the artist rendered picture of his wife and kisses it.
3rd Inning: Wang gives up 2 runs after he relies heavily on a developing cutter. Its not as good as Mariano's.
Cano hits a double and Melky follows suit, tieing up the game at 2. The C & C boys staying at it.
4 - 6th Innings: Nothing really happens. Score still 2 - 2.
7th Inning: Eckstein hits a pop up that falls three feet in front Bobby Abreu scoring a run. Girardi goes nuts and pulls Abreu out of the game putting in Shelley. Abreu explains that he didn't have his dulce before the game and his energy was low. Girardi reopens the candy cabinet.
Posada hits a single, but is caught stealing second by Halladay who spin throws him out. Posada's quest for 40 steals is off to a rough start. The game is interrupted when a fan runs on the field and is plowed over by Shelley Duncan who after drawing a walk rounded first a little too aggresively. The fan is air lifted out of the stadium.
8th Inning: Farnsworth loads the bases and gives up a triple to Alex Rios. He then grabs his back in pain. Farnsworth pulled out of game with back spasms, but wants to pitch tomorrow. Blue Jays up 5 - 2.
9th Inning: Latroy Hawkins holds the game down by getting three consecutive groundballs. "He was my idea!" Yells Cashman. In the middle of the 9th, Rays manager Joe Maddon interrupts the Yankees game with a press conference where he calls Duncan's acts from the previous inning "Borderline criminal." The commissioner's office looks into the situation.
Melky, Damon, and Jeter all get on base for A-Rod with two outs. After working a full count, he crushes the next pitch into the new stadium's construction site. "I'm coming for you Maris!" he yells as he rounds the bases.
Hank Steinbrenner calls a press conference after the game calling out the Rays for their interruption. "I've written my last welfare check to those guys." He says. "I'm keeping this enfamil all to myself."